Bizarre conversations you have overheard

[johnnychips]

Any examples of this? It needn’t be on a train.

But I heard this on the stopper from Donny to Sheffield today:

’My legs are really hairy’

’Well why don’t you get them done?’

’It’s my waxwoman, she’s started keeping geese and I don’t agree with that ‘

Unfortunately the train arrived in Sheffield before I heard what advice/ridicule/solace could be offered by her mate.

 

[PeterY]

Over the years I've over heard some really funny, remarkable conversations based on a sexual nature, not from men but woman . Almost too embarrassing to listen to

 

[Busaholic]

Over the years I've over heard some really funny, remarkable conversations based on a sexual nature, not from men but woman . Almost too embarrassing to listen to

But you forced yourself to.

 

[Gloster]

On one occasion coming back from Brussels on Eurostar and sitting in the jump seats I listened to a French woman discussing her complicated sexual history with a friend on the ‘phone. She presumably though that as I was English I wouldn’t be able to understand colloquial French, but I have lived in France. Similar things have happened on a number of occasions in various countries where I speak the language, but this was definitely the most interesting.

 

[Farang]

Years ago on a Bristol bus, a conversation between an old man an old lady...

Her: Used to be much hotter than now in the old days.
Him: Arrr, much hotter.
Her: You couldn't even have a sheet on top of you in bed.
Him: It's all they rockets they've been launching, innit?

 

[D365]

Over the years I've over heard some really funny, remarkable conversations based on a sexual nature, not from men but woman . Almost too embarrassing to listen to

Never from men?

On a similar note, I’ve overheard some odd moments in my student life, but also not something I can share!

 

[PeterY]

Never from men?

On a similar note, I’ve overheard some odd moments in my student life, but also not something I can share!

On a rail rover in Cornwall a group of young girls were talking about sausages and not the kind you eat.

Another trip in Scotland a group of girls were going to a hen party, a strange conversation but I did get offered a glass of champagne, sadly I don't drink .

 

[alex397]

The bizarre conversations I here do often seem to be when I’m on a bus or train. You wouldn’t overhear such interesting things if you were in a car!

I probably travel by bus more than train, and it’s sometimes quite funny listening to the groups of, generally, older ladies. It is often like something out of a Monty Python sketch, e.g the Yorkshireman sketch.

And there does seem to be a theme of a sexual nature too (I’m talking about people in general here, not generally older ladies!). I’m no prude, but I find it strange how much graphic detail people are willing to share amongst friends and the strangers overhearing! Some of it funny, but some of it quite concerning too.

 

[eastwestdivide]

Overheard and all I could do not to laugh out loud:
“Hello Steve, haven’t seen you in ages. What are you doing down here?”
“Hiya, well I’ve lost my mother.”
“Oh sorry to hear that. She wasn’t all that old either was she?”
”No no no, I brought her into town to do some shopping and we were meant to meet up here. No idea where she’s got to.”

 

[D6130]

She presumably though that as I was English I wouldn’t be able to understand colloquial French, but I have lived in France. Similar things have happened on a number of occasions in various countries where I speak the language

My wife and I often find ourselves in a similar situation in Italy, where we have a house and speak the language fairly fluently. One of the funniest and most rewarding occasions was about eighteen years ago, when we were on holiday in Sicily. We were making an anti-clockwise day circuit of the Circumetnea narrow-gauge line and joined the Riposto-Randazzo train - a single diesel railcar - at Giarre....followed immediately by a group of local middle school pupils (aged between 11 and 14) on their way home after Saturday morning at school. Like most Italian teenagers, they were noisy and boistrous, but not in any way threatening. As we ground our way slowly uphill round the continuous reverse curves through the olive and lemon groves - with fabulous views of the gently smoking volcano Etna - the kids gradually started taking the mickey out of us: "Stupid tourists....always staring out of the window and not talking to any one!"....."Why do they want to visit this God-forsaken sh****le?"...."Aren't they wearing awful clothes!"...."Must be bloody Germans!", etc, etc. We let them carry on like this for 15-20 minutes, before I stood up and announced in Italian: "Hey lads! We speak Italian and we have understood everything that you have been saying!". After a few seconds of stunned silence, they all rushed to our end of the carriage, smiling and laughing apologetically, asking us where we came from and where we were going. We ascertained that they lived in Randazzo - where we were planning to break our journey for lunch - and asked if any of them knew a good restaurant not too far from the station (food being the number one topic of conversation in Italy!). One of them piped-up and told us that his uncle had a restaurant in the town....and on arrival at the station, they took us there immediately. It was slightly further from the station than we would have liked - about 15 minutes walk - but once the introductions had been made, we were treated like royalty and given one of the best meals we have ever had in Sicily. Embarrassingly, the proprietor didn't want to take any money from us - maybe his nephew had told him what they had been saying about us?! - but I spotted a collecting box for a local hospice at the end of the bar, so we both put some large denomination Euro notes in it and made our way back to the station to continue our journey to Bronte and Catania.

 

[Paul Jones 88]

Between Canterbury and Ashford a couple of years ago I heard a man on his phone telling someone about the rabbits eating his runner bean plants, saying at one moment he'd nuke the little sods, then saying he'd like to take an AK 47 to them but he doesn't know how to get one and wouldn't have the money anyway in the end he decided on netting and some supermarket bags!

 

[TheSeeker]

The Eurostar buffet car is a great place to people watch and listen. I'd often stand in the corner with a beer for the whole journey.

Best one I overheard was a group of UK police going to Brussels for a conference. All on G&Ts with a bawdy Ulsterman holding court.

"How did Brian get his queens gallantry medal?"
"Foocking Brian got that saving Princess fooking Annes life in the Mall"

 

[Gloster]

A Christmas one. Ten to fifteen years ago, when the Christmas Day buses on the Isle of Wight were effectively limited to an hourly circular route and a side trip to Cowes, I was on the bus coming back from Newport. A chap behind me was talking to a friend about the fact that he had been invited for Christmas dinner by friends in East Cowes (which is just across the river from Cowes, but there is no ferry on Christmas Day), but couldn’t get there because there were no buses. In the fifteen minutes before I got off, he had gone from being mildly disappointed to being so angry that you felt he was going to hijack one of the buses.

Another end of year one. A woman complaining about her grand-daughter (I presume). The grand-daughter had got married and they had gone off on honeymoon over Christmas and New Year, which was the only time they could both get time off work. Despite that, granny considered she/they were inconsiderate because the wedding fell when she was away on her annual visit to friends (Derek and Anne?), so she couldn’t attend. She felt that they should have arranged everything to suit her.

 

[Farang]

Another one, on a train near Barnes heading towards Clapham Junction: a group of young men, presumably off-duty police officers, were discussing in loud voices the levels of training and response times of the armed guards at Buckingham Palace. I think they were trying to impress the young ladies who were with them.

 

[brad465]

On the bus home from school in Year 9 myself and 3 friends had the front 4 seats of the top deck, and sat just behind us was a bearded man who was saying some very bizarre stuff to himself out loud, such as wanting to "shoot squirrels from Crayford Bridge" (Crayford was where I lived at the time) and some other hilarious stuff. After about 10 minutes of this I had to get off the bus for my stop, but the stairs were almost blocked from other kids wanting to listen to him.

 

[43094]

One from the National Maritime Museum:

Man standing next to a globe showing the time zones (and current time) of the world.

Party of school kids walk by.

Man: Does anyone have the time, please?

29 school kids get their phones out to check. 1 laughs, and says yeah, right….

 

[GrimsbyPacer]

Once at Doncaster late last year, a couple of men got on the train to Cleethorpes at Doncaster, they talked a load of nonsense making out they've been everywhere around the world to each other, living luxury lifes in everywhere from Thailand to Caribbean, and so on, also pretending to be experts on every subject like biochemistry, law, technology etc, trying to out do each other, can't remember the conversation now, but it was contradictory and full of errors.
Then it turned out they were heading to a wedding in Newmarket, they mis-took Market Rasen for it and were on the wrong train.

 

[DelW]

One from the National Maritime Museum:

Man standing next to a globe showing the time zones (and current time) of the world.

Party of school kids walk by.

Man: Does anyone have the time, please?

29 school kids get their phones out to check. 1 laughs, and says yeah, right….

A slightly similar experience from a few years ago. A friend and I were walking from the bottom end of Whitehall towards Westminster tube station, when a young couple, possibly foreign tourists, stopped us and asked what the correct time was, apparently seriously.
We were literally across the road from Big Ben (and this was long before it was covered in scaffolding and being repaired). I just pointed up at it ...

 

[Calthrop]

Not a conversation actually overheard by me; but one of the most magnificent instances of this phenomenon which has ever come my way, was the starting-point for an article in the magazine Punch of blessed memory, long ago. In a tea-shop somewhere in the West Riding, the author overheard a snatch of conversation between a couple of ladies at a nearby table: "...and there was our Marge, living in this house in Mexico without any windows ..." The remainder of the article comprised attempts by the author, to spin scenarios in explanation of this predicament of Marge's.

...the kids gradually started taking the mickey out of us: "Stupid tourists....always staring out of the window and not talking to any one ! "....."Why do they want to visit this God-forsaken sh****le?"...."Aren't they wearing awful clothes!"...."Must be bloody Germans!", etc, etc. We let them carry on like this for 15-20 minutes, before I stood up and announced in Italian: "Hey lads! We speak Italian and we have understood everything that you have been saying!". After a few seconds of stunned silence, they all rushed to our end of the carriage, smiling and laughing apologetically, asking us where we came from and where we were going ...

(My bolding) -- neatly sums up my reason for not wanting ever to visit Italy. It seems a matter of general experience, that "standard operational procedure" for the people of that country: is, throughout waking hours, ceaseless interaction / conversation / discourse, about whatever comes into people's heads -- when anyone else is around, being quiet and minding one's own business is not an option; strangers, and visitors from abroad, are vigorously engaged in conversation and "press-ganged" into taking part (lack of a language in common, is no excuse). I am not the most sociable or -- in actual vocalising-and-speech -- most chatty person on earth; and when travelling by rail, I want to look out of the window and "value" the experience, and concentrate on that. Have no doubt that Italy has a goodly number of "upsides" -- but this, from my point of view "downside" of it; would, I think, drive me insane.

 

[M&NEJ]

On a publicity run of Mark 4 stock on the West Coast Main Line some years ago, I heard a hostess describe her experience of an APT test run. Speaking of the tilting for reverse curves through Lancaster: "Better than sex!" she exclaimed.