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Comedic "things you would ban" (i.e. minor things that annoy you in a lighthearted way)

scotrail158713

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Another one: people moaning about Americanisms that aren't actually Americanisms. For example, Soccer.
Indeed certain patterns of speech that we associate with American English are really old British quirks that subsequently died out or diminished here, but survived among the early settlers across the pond and became the standard there.
Very true. Another one is apparently math. I remember watching Countdown one afternoon when Susie Dent listed a number of them - turns out they're more common than you'd think.
 
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Calthrop

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@adrock1976 writes: "Also, I have heard people in the USA pronounce missile as "missel"", compared with the UK "miss-eyel".

Similarly, Americans tend to pronounce "hostile", like "hostel". I'm inclined to the sentiment that there just is much wherein they, and we, pronounce words differently; and / or use words of varying different-ness, to refer to the same thing.

Calling coleslaw slaw. It's downright lazy. :rolleyes: Peri-... It just is, OK? ;)

I was hoping to be able to defend the American usage here, on the basis that coleslaw is definitely cabbage-based (German Kohl); whereas maybe in America, there were similar shredded-salad-type dishes not featuring cabbage: but Googling would seem to suggest that the Americans' "slaw" is, first and foremost, about cabbage -- so, no getting away from the fact that they suppress a syllable.

I realise that the chief point of this thread, is to grouse about things which are ridiculously petty, but happen to -- irrationally -- annoy the poster, out of all proportion; so attempted "peacemaking and conciliation" is not looked for or called-for ! To mention a US thing which irritates me far more than makes any kind of sense -- the colloquial word "pernickety": annoyingly fussy and hard-to-please. In the British form just quoted, I find it a splendidly expressive word. The Americans use it too; only they insert an extra letter, making it "persnickety": which -- for some reason or absolutely none -- strikes me as babyish, foolish, and super-annoying.
 

xotGD

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Don't Americans pronounce nuclear as "noo-clear"? And why can't they say Laboratory?

And I definitely want coleslaw with my macaroni cheese. I don't want to "get" "slaw" with my "mac & cheese".

And after I've placed my order, I don't want to receive the reply "Perfect!". I haven't just scored ten out of ten in a spelling test, I've ordered my food. If I had ordered something else, would it have been "Imperfect!"?

And I want chips, not fries.

And crisps, not chips.
 

Calthrop

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I'm with you, as regards "mac 'n cheese" -- another "American version" which gets my goat.
 

AM9

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... And I definitely want coleslaw with my macaroni cheese. I don't want to "get" "slaw" with my "mac & cheese".
Now don't start me on American Cheese. The domestic offering is pants, only in better shops like Whole Foods and Zabar's can they sample the delights of European cheeses.
 
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52290

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Pronouncing place names wrong, - especially foreign named places where a half-baked attempt at the local pronunciation is used to give the impression that they know something. Worst examples:
Ibiza - why sound like "eye-beetha", it doesn't impress that the use of the spanish 'z' sounds like a 'th', when the correct pronunciation is "i-beetha" (the i sound as in it)
Iberia - same as above, not "eye-beeria".
Nobody says "eye-tally" instead of 'Italy' do they?

Then there's nuclear, an easy word for english speakers as "new-clear". It certainly isn't "new-killar"!
Although most of the Spanish speaking world,for example South America, pronounce z and c before I and e as s in soup. The lisping sound used in Spain ,I believe, is due to one of the Castilian kings having a speech defect and no one felt able or willing to correct him.
 

Cowley

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Sellotape that you know you definitely have but you can never find when you actually need it (see also biros).
 

Bald Rick

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We may have had this before and I’ve missed it, but I would like to ban dithering at the till in convenience stores.

I have just had the ‘pleasure’ of being behind two customers, each at a staffed till, both taking more than a minute to purchase one item. And then both taking an age post purchase to move away from the till. They concluded their purchases concurrently, I went to the furthest till, made my transaction and was out of the shop before either of them.

I hate people wasting time!
 

Techniquest

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We may have had this before and I’ve missed it, but I would like to ban dithering at the till in convenience stores.

I have just had the ‘pleasure’ of being behind two customers, each at a staffed till, both taking more than a minute to purchase one item. And then both taking an age post purchase to move away from the till. They concluded their purchases concurrently, I went to the furthest till, made my transaction and was out of the shop before either of them.

I hate people wasting time!

Completely with you on that! Had an issue of a similar nature in Tesco yesterday, two girls went to self-scan and I saw another till become available. Oh no it wasn't, one of the girls decided to dash over and use it, cheeky mare! Fortunately not an issue as another become free, but still irritating!
 

Gloster

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Pumpkins: one of the worst examples of commercialisation and Americanisation. The pumpkin is not an indigenous fruit to the UK, nor does it have any traditional cultural resonance here. Yet at this time of year the shops are full of pumpkins, most of which will be gutted and their fruit largely left uneaten, while the outer shell will be played with for one night and then left to rot. An appalling waste of agricultural land and effort, although I do realise the farmers will only grow them if they can make a profit, but why not something more useful? And of course we are being sold pumpkin hats, pumpkin tee-shirts, pumpkin doilies, etc. Pumpkins at Halloween are an American tradition and they are welcome to it, but I object to them shoving their culture on to us in order to make more money.
 

yorksrob

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Pumpkins: one of the worst examples of commercialisation and Americanisation. The pumpkin is not an indigenous fruit to the UK, nor does it have any traditional cultural resonance here. Yet at this time of year the shops are full of pumpkins, most of which will be gutted and their fruit largely left uneaten, while the outer shell will be played with for one night and then left to rot. An appalling waste of agricultural land and effort, although I do realise the farmers will only grow them if they can make a profit, but why not something more useful? And of course we are being sold pumpkin hats, pumpkin tee-shirts, pumpkin doilies, etc. Pumpkins at Halloween are an American tradition and they are welcome to it, but I object to them shoving their culture on to us in order to make more money.

Yes, it does seem a terrible waste. I've eaten pumpkin pie and it is actually quite a pleasant, if understated dessert. Personally I'd ban people from buying them and not eating them instead.
 

xotGD

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Pumpkins: one of the worst examples of commercialisation and Americanisation. The pumpkin is not an indigenous fruit to the UK, nor does it have any traditional cultural resonance here. Yet at this time of year the shops are full of pumpkins, most of which will be gutted and their fruit largely left uneaten, while the outer shell will be played with for one night and then left to rot. An appalling waste of agricultural land and effort, although I do realise the farmers will only grow them if they can make a profit, but why not something more useful? And of course we are being sold pumpkin hats, pumpkin tee-shirts, pumpkin doilies, etc. Pumpkins at Halloween are an American tradition and they are welcome to it, but I object to them shoving their culture on to us in order to make more money.
We used to make lanterns out of turnips. And the inside was definitely eaten.

That reminds me: I would ban anyone who says swede instead of turnip.
 

Techniquest

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Haha - no, I haven’t been to a Pumpkin in over a decade.

Good call. I used to go all the time, it was tradition to get one from Pumpkin before I started off from Hereford. Especially when Bite cards still had 20% discounts with them, it all helped no end.

My last Pumpkin visit in Peterborough last month got a bit of a mention in my trip report, not in a good way though. So far I've only been to 2 Pumpkins this year, and I have no intention of adding to that. My local Pumpkin is so behind the times their promotional board yesterday was still showing their 'The Taste Of Summer' poster. In October :rolleyes:
 

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61653 HTAFC

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Yes, it does seem a terrible waste. I've eaten pumpkin pie and it is actually quite a pleasant, if understated dessert. Personally I'd ban people from buying them and not eating them instead.
Pumpkin pie as a dessert should be banned. Pumpkin is basically a squash which is a savoury food. You'd think Americans would understand this, considering how stereotypically unhealthy their diet is. Pumpkin pie as a main meal with other veg (and even with meat) is delicious without being drowned in sugar.

I wouldn't object to pumpkins on the basis that they aren't native to the UK though: much of the fruit and veg that's commercially grown here isn't native, but humans aren't a native species to the UK either.
 

Calthrop

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Pumpkin pie as a dessert should be banned. Pumpkin is basically a squash which is a savoury food. You'd think Americans would understand this, considering how stereotypically unhealthy their diet is. Pumpkin pie as a main meal with other veg (and even with meat) is delicious without being drowned in sugar.

Hilaire Belloc had something to say, a bit more than a century ago, on this issue:

"In Massachusetts all the way
From Boston down to Buzzards Bay,
They feed you till you want to die
On pumpkin pie and rhubarb pie
And horrible huckleberry pie;
And when in desperate straits you cry,
'What else is there that I can try?'
They stare at you in mild surprise
And give you other kinds of pies."
 

Ianno87

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Shops that say "we apologise for our appearance whilst we undergo a refit".

Yes, I fully understand that keeping your shop up to date involves actually doing stuff.
 

158747

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Pretty much all modern car designs should be banned. It used to be possible to identify a car make and model simply by its silhouette, nowadays they all look pretty much the same as each other and that isn't just down to "badge engineering".

They're also mostly far too big. Prime example, the modern Volkswagen Polo is larger than the Mark One Volkswagen Golf.
Similarly the modern Vauxhall Corsa is 1mm longer than the Mk1 Vauxhall Astra.
 

yorksrob

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Pumpkin pie as a dessert should be banned. Pumpkin is basically a squash which is a savoury food. You'd think Americans would understand this, considering how stereotypically unhealthy their diet is. Pumpkin pie as a main meal with other veg (and even with meat) is delicious without being drowned in sugar.

I wouldn't object to pumpkins on the basis that they aren't native to the UK though: much of the fruit and veg that's commercially grown here isn't native, but humans aren't a native species to the UK either.

I think to call it savory is going a bit too far !
 

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