Daft school rules

[Class800]

For some reason, my school wouldn't let us choose both ICT and music...


I can see why they banned it if it made the person uncomfortable but it doesn't explain why it doesn't work for both genders.

Because the boys enjoyed being whistled and flashed by girls? And a small proportion of girls didn't like being ogled? and were vocal about it?

I've got nothing much more to add on rules - but have one anecdote to conclude (?) my contribution - the most desperate effort by a girl. There was this ugly girl who was after me I could tell, and on my last day she wore as much perfume as humanly possible and flashed her (fat) midriff at me as she walked past - not attractive.

 

[maxbarnish]

Sounds right - some arch feminists being loud and kicking off, hence majority of girls deprived of boys watching their sports which they wanted. Boys didn't complain about girls watching their sport and being naughty, so it wasn't prohibited. Flashing is banned - but it happened, and the fat girl story I had one of my own, can't say it all here as too rude, but one fat girl did flash her breasts in corridor, and another did worse... Still not attractive.

 

[ABB125]

Some of the schools mentioned in the various "boys vs girls" posts above sound rather more exciting (if that's the right word?) than the one I went to. Though to be fair, not much "scandalous" behaviour occurred at this school (or at least, not within the friendship groups in which I resided!).

 

[Class800]

I think most schools have some scandalous behaviour - just some more obvious than others. And some is gendered fun and exploration of what it means to be becoming an adult soon, while some is just more puerile silliness such as throwing erasers around. And some is more serious stuff such as violence, water bombs and letting off fire extinguishers - that sort of thing often led to suspensions

 

[ABB125]

And some is more serious stuff such as violence, water bombs and letting off fire extinguishers - that sort of thing often led to suspensions

Very little of that where I went - I can only recall one fire alarm occasion after which it was rumoured that a student set it off, for example.

 

[Class800]

Very little of that where I went - I can only recall one fire alarm occasion after which it was rumoured that a student set it off, for example.

With apologies if I'm taking this off into further tangents, although it seems relevant - where I went to school a boy was suspended for letting off fire extinguishers in the primary school never mind secondary. It was a little rough. In my cohort, it was boys until 6th form when it was mixed, but when I was half way through secondary, girls started coming into lower years but not mine.

 

[Gloster]

Very little of that where I went - I can only recall one fire alarm occasion after which it was rumoured that a student set it off, for example.

We had a false fire-alarm and in the following assembly the headmaster told the school that it was damaging to the school’s reputation, an insult, cost the school money, etc. This was just the sort of thing to get boys to show how clever and daring they are (the headmaster had absolutely no understanding of the way boys think). Needless to say there were several more false alarms over the next week or two, all requiring the local fire brigade to come out as the alarm was directly connected to the fire-station. I did hear that the original alarm was just an accident caused by boys messing around and inadvertently hitting the alarm.

If you were caught setting off a false alarm it was supposed (at least) to lead to being sent home to your parents for a week or two, but (as ever) if you parents were important enough, they wouldn’t be troubled by having their offspring unexpectedly dropped in their lap. If they weren’t important you risked being kicked out completely. “And we regret that, as indicated in our terms, in these circumstances we are unable to refund the fees for this term and will also require next term’s to be paid.” (Parents were bound to pay a term’s fees unless they gave notice before the end of the second week of the previous term. There were exceptions if exam result were not as good as expected.)

 

[ABB125]

There were exceptions if exam result were not as good as expected

Can't have the exam results dragged down now, can we!

 

[PeterC]

Can't have the exam results dragged down now, can we!

My school was very concerned with results but if we failed a mock O level we were still required to continue with the subject rather than spend extra revision time on our strengths.

 

[Gloster]

Can't have the exam results dragged down now, can we!

This was around forty-five years ago and before the habit of expelling pupils to keep averages up became so widespread. Public schools are a business and, although they want good results that they can crow about, they know that if they become too awkward or picky they’ll lose potentially good applicants. By not forcing a parent to commit to future fees if the results aren’t good enough, they will keep a number of pupils who might otherwise have been removed (which would lose the school the fees just at a stage when parents prefer not to remove pupils that are doing well) and also a few who do surprisingly well.

 

[Worm]

I teach in a Catholic school, so we say prayers four or five times a day. My own childhood school use the prayer you’ve quoted but we use:
‘Bless us, O’ God as we sit together,
Bless the food we eat today, bless the hands that make the food, bless us Oh God, Amen’. We have a prayer after lunch when we come back into class as well.


Any way to get train life in there!

That was our pre-dinner time prayer in my catholic primary school, that brings back some memories. Nobody was allowed to leave the room until it was done.
That’s the first time I’ve seen it in 13 years (school from 2000-2008).

 

[Jess Clark]

My school... Some stupid rule's?
1. Wearing a jacket while it's freezing cold in class - that rule... Teacher's will get triggered if you don't take it off.
2. Having Irn Bru or Cola in you're bag. Bit off a stupid rule to be fair.

 

[yorkie]

My school... Some stupid rule's?
1. Wearing a jacket while it's freezing cold in class - that rule... Teacher's will get triggered if you don't take it off.

Is it cold due to windows being open? Where I am staff are instructed to allow coats to be worn in such circumstances and parents and students informed of this.

2. Having Irn Bru or Cola in you're bag. Bit off a stupid rule to be fair.

There is no good reason to have such drinks in school; it's not a pointless rule.

... letting off fire extinguishers - that sort of thing often led to suspensions

Maliciously setting off a fire extinguisher should be a permanent exclusion.

 

[Planesandtrain]

Some odd things at my Junior school(2006-2010)
Year 3 teacher insisted class worked in silence kept whole class in constantly during breaks, once trashed classroom for us to clean

Year 4 teacher loved the idea of corporal punishment tapping hands lightly with rulers, once I was daydreaming about (unsurprisingly) trains and she thrashed this slanted writing board down I used in front of me as hard as she could, scared the living daylights out of me

Odd things at my 'outstanding' comprehensive (2010-15) were:
-In Year 7 PE we had to sew white cotton squares onto inside of our rugby jerseys then have us change teams during lesson

There were tracksuit bottoms you could wear in the winter... the catch was this was at the PE teachers discretion so it was never cold enough

-3 min changing time or you practised changing in and out of kit during break

- PE Teachers using physical punishments, e.g pupils hanging from climbing frame for talking, collective wall sits, I remember an interesting game of running up and down football pitch with the teacher kicking the football at us, if you got hit you ended up missing lunch

-Collective class 'report' for persistent misbehaving form groups, negative marks resulted in class detentions

-A textiles teacher nearing retirement accusing our class of stealing her kettle, she refused to go to staff room, same teacher had rumours of locking misbehaving pupils in her storage cupboard

Another funny one was Y10/11, if you didn't get target grade in a trial exam you resat the same paper till you did, ofc everyone just learnt the

Bullying was dealt with...sometimes... in later years they gave up trying to deal with it as a quarter of the year was after me

And we had the standing for senior teachers in assemblies etc.

Still don't get the covering of books with plastic covers and decorating them with clipart

Of course not all bad, most teachers were good during my time, a couple very good that turned their backs over for me but a lot of the negative stuff casts a shadow.

 

[joebassman]

At my nursery and primary school in the 80s we weren't allowed to make a gun shape with our finger and thumb and shout bang bang at eachother.

I remember having to stand against the wall for the whole of playtime with my friends and the temp German teacher marching up and down with her hands behind her back after we were caught by a dinner lady playing bumper cars (We would cross our arms and run into eachother.)

I was once made to stay in at lunch time because some of the other kids were talking on my table when my name was called for register and I didn't hear, so didn't answer 'yes miss'. I was a bit miffed at having to spend my break writing 'I will answer when my name is called', 50 times.

At my high school we weren't even allowed to ask if we could take our blazer jackets off during the summer. The teacher had to suggest we could.

If you forgot your PE kit or were missing bits of kit, the PE teacher would make you do PE in your school uniform. A primary school sports teacher once made me do three laps of the running track in my full uniform and Clark's shoes because I accidentally got my days mixed up and came to school without my kit. My shoes were soaked in mud and I had to spend the rest of the school day sat in a sweaty uniform. For that very reason I have always hated running or athletics.

I doubt if teachers would get away with the last one now.

CJ

At my school the students would have to do PE in their pants and a vest if they forgot their kit. My friend said at his school if someone forgot their swimming trunks they would have to do swimming naked.

 

[Gloster]

At my pre-prep school (1965-1967) we were banned from pretending to be V-bombers (run around with your upper body bent forward at forty-five degrees and both arms stretched out behind). I think it was because there were one or two quite severe collisions.

 

[Trackman]

I remember having to stand against the wall for the whole of playtime with my friends and the temp German teacher marching up and down with her hands behind her back after we were caught by a dinner lady playing bumper cars (We would cross our arms and run into eachother.)

When I was at primary school 'British Bulldog' was not banned, also 'Chicken Run' which was a way we dealt with unruly kids at the school as a way of a 'mild' punishment (more brutal if anything). They always turned a blind to this.. sort it out amongst yourselves kind of thing I guess.

There were tracksuit bottoms you could wear in the winter... the catch was this was at the PE teachers discretion so it was never cold enough

Freezing cold and hailstone spring to mind whilst the PE teachers were all in cosy in full tracksuits. I had red legs after a hailstorm once.

 

[johnnychips]

Thinking back to my school…erm, what are ‘tracksuit bottoms’ and, seriously, when were they invented? I am trying very hard to remember if our PE teachers wore them, and in my head I can only remember them in shorts. This is 1971-8.

Edit: Did Brian Glover wear one in Kes, which was about 1969? Not during the famous football match scene, but maybe before or after?

 

[Ted633]

Odd rule / schedule in P.E I've just remembered from secondary school. When you were in years 7 - 9 (age 11-14), you did outdoor sports in the winter and indoor in the summer. This then swapped around once you got to years 10 & 11. Made the last couple of years of P.E very enjoyable!

 

[Busaholic]

Some odd things at my Junior school(2006-2010)
Year 3 teacher insisted class worked in silence kept whole class in constantly during breaks, once trashed classroom for us to clean

Year 4 teacher loved the idea of corporal punishment tapping hands lightly with rulers, once I was daydreaming about (unsurprisingly) trains and she thrashed this slanted writing board down I used in front of me as hard as she could, scared the living daylights out of me

Odd things at my 'outstanding' comprehensive (2010-15) were:
-In Year 7 PE we had to sew white cotton squares onto inside of our rugby jerseys then have us change teams during lesson

There were tracksuit bottoms you could wear in the winter... the catch was this was at the PE teachers discretion so it was never cold enough

-3 min changing time or you practised changing in and out of kit during break

- PE Teachers using physical punishments, e.g pupils hanging from climbing frame for talking, collective wall sits, I remember an interesting game of running up and down football pitch with teacher kicking football at us, if you got hit you ended up missing lunch

-Collective class 'report' for persistent misbehaving form groups, negative marks resulted in class detentions

-A textiles teacher nearing retirement accusing our class of stealing her kettle, she refused to go to staff room, same teacher had rumours of locking misbehaving pupils in her storage cupboard

Another funny one was Y10/11, if you didn't get target grade in a trial exam you resat the same paper till you did, ofc everyone just learnt the

Bullying was dealt with...sometimes... in later years they gave up trying to deal with it as a quarter of the year was after me

And we had the standing for senior teachers in assemblies etc.

Still don't get the covering of books with plastic covers and decorating them with clipart

Of course not all bad, most teachers were good during my time, a couple very good that turned their backs over for me but a lot of the negative stuff casts a shadow.

You confirm my overall opinion on teachers. I've never met one, in or out of the classroom, that I could ever be really friendly with and, frankly, the 'creep' factor is so much more than in the general population, and probably the 'bully' factor too. Not to say all were bad, or just mediocre. I was considered an 'academic' pupil by the way, but my school did little to encourage this. I've no fond memories of the school I spent nearly eight years at.

 

[Cloud Strife]

You confirm my overall opinion on teachers. I've never met one, in or out of the classroom, that I could ever be really friendly with and, frankly, the 'creep' factor is so much more than in the general population, and probably the 'bully' factor too. Not to say all were bad, or just mediocre. I was considered an 'academic' pupil by the way, but my school did little to encourage this. I've no fond memories of the school I spent nearly eight years at.

I was a teacher for five years. I can tell you that among my colleagues:

- One IT teacher (and form teacher) made his class cry by singing them an anti-abortion song (!)
- One so-called English teacher (I was his boss, although he was hired against my will and despite a scathing evaluation in his demo lesson) was an absolute creep, even down to the fact that he was known to give private classes to children in their bedrooms (!!). I did a detailed investigation into his past, and I couldn't find anything before he arrived in Poland. He allegedly studied in Ukraine, but I couldn't find anyone on Facebook who knew of him from Kharkiv. Anyone familiar with UK safeguarding standards would have screamed.
- One religion teacher was a sadistic creep who wore all black and screamed at kids constantly. Even the other religion teacher (who is a lovely lady) made it very clear that she didn't approve of her.
- One maths teacher was so useless that I was regularly going into his classroom to sort out the class. A particular highlight was him standing on a chair in the middle of the room yelling "SIT DOWN SIT DOWN" while the kids ignored him.
- One music teacher was a creep who cheated on his wife with a 18 year old, and then he proceeded to throw the wife out of their house so he could move the 18 year old in.
- The headteacher took a lot of SEN kids into the school for the additional funding from the local government, although we weren't equipped to deal with them in any sort of way.

I admit to turning up once with a monstrous hangover after getting completely wrecked the night before, but that was as far as it went.

A bastion of morality, they were not.

I saw enough in 5 years to move into the business world and I've never looked back. So many kids were held down or let down by poor teachers, and it's clear that at least some of my colleagues were bullies and completely unfit to be working with children. The worst one I saw was a situation where one of my kids (I was their form teacher) was told by a teacher that she should sit down and that she wasn't going to go to the toilet. She stormed out of the room, I coincidentally caught her in tears outside the classroom, and a quick discussion later revealed what had actually happened. Her stomach was hurting, and from her behaviour over the last couple of months, it was very obvious that puberty was starting. The teacher was an idiot, and he had strange beliefs about puberty and menstruation. In particular, he thought that it didn't begin before 12, so she "couldn't possibly be menstruating at 10".

It turned out that she was absolutely ashamed and didn't want to talk about the topic in front of anyone else, so she simply asked to go to the bathroom. Anyone with any common sense whatsoever would have picked up on the request and allowed her to go, but this teacher was...let's say "incompetent" is being kind.

 

[yorkie]

I was a teacher for five years....

In Poland? It sounds very far removed from schools of today in the UK.

 

[LOL The Irony]

- The headteacher took a lot of SEN kids into the school for the additional funding from the local government, although we weren't equipped to deal with them in any sort of way.

I can assure you that this happens in this country. It's my opinion that most headteachers view SEN children as walking dollar signs and get in a huff when they realise that the funding isn't exactly free, if you get where I'm coming from.

 

[Busaholic]

I was a teacher for five years. I can tell you that among my colleagues:

- One IT teacher (and form teacher) made his class cry by singing them an anti-abortion song (!)
- One so-called English teacher (I was his boss, although he was hired against my will and despite a scathing evaluation in his demo lesson) was an absolute creep, even down to the fact that he was known to give private classes to children in their bedrooms (!!). I did a detailed investigation into his past, and I couldn't find anything before he arrived in Poland. He allegedly studied in Ukraine, but I couldn't find anyone on Facebook who knew of him from Kharkiv. Anyone familiar with UK safeguarding standards would have screamed.
- One religion teacher was a sadistic creep who wore all black and screamed at kids constantly. Even the other religion teacher (who is a lovely lady) made it very clear that she didn't approve of her.
- One maths teacher was so useless that I was regularly going into his classroom to sort out the class. A particular highlight was him standing on a chair in the middle of the room yelling "SIT DOWN SIT DOWN" while the kids ignored him.
- One music teacher was a creep who cheated on his wife with a 18 year old, and then he proceeded to throw the wife out of their house so he could move the 18 year old in.
- The headteacher took a lot of SEN kids into the school for the additional funding from the local government, although we weren't equipped to deal with them in any sort of way.

I admit to turning up once with a monstrous hangover after getting completely wrecked the night before, but that was as far as it went.

A bastion of morality, they were not.

I saw enough in 5 years to move into the business world and I've never looked back. So many kids were held down or let down by poor teachers, and it's clear that at least some of my colleagues were bullies and completely unfit to be working with children. The worst one I saw was a situation where one of my kids (I was their form teacher) was told by a teacher that she should sit down and that she wasn't going to go to the toilet. She stormed out of the room, I coincidentally caught her in tears outside the classroom, and a quick discussion later revealed what had actually happened. Her stomach was hurting, and from her behaviour over the last couple of months, it was very obvious that puberty was starting. The teacher was an idiot, and he had strange beliefs about puberty and menstruation. In particular, he thought that it didn't begin before 12, so she "couldn't possibly be menstruating at 10".

It turned out that she was absolutely ashamed and didn't want to talk about the topic in front of anyone else, so she simply asked to go to the bathroom. Anyone with any common sense whatsoever would have picked up on the request and allowed her to go, but this teacher was...let's say "incompetent" is being kind.

''Those who can, do; those who can't......'' Shan't labour the point, because it's certainly not true of all. Actually, i was told two or three times I should have been a teacher, and I think it was intended as a compliment.

 

[Gloster]

''Those who can, do; those who can't......'' Shan't labour the point, because it's certainly not true of all. Actually, i was told two or three times I should have been a teacher, and I think it was intended as a compliment.

There is an addition:...those who can’t, teach; those who can’t teach, lecture on the inequality of education degrees.

 

[ABB125]

There is an addition:...those who can’t, teach; those who can’t teach, lecture on the inequality of education degrees.

I thought they taught geography? Or Primary?

At least, I've heard both those variations of the, erm, "saying"...

 

[Senex]

There is an addition:...those who can’t, teach; those who can’t teach, lecture on the inequality of education degrees.

I knew it as: ... "those who can't teach, teach the teachers how to teach." (Being a comment on the long-gone Teacher Training Colleges / Colleges of Education.)

 

[Calthrop]

Not actually a rule, so much as a way of running an aspect of things -- which I suspect that many would, like me, regard as more than a bit daft.

This was a little over sixty years ago; came my way in the preparatory-school department of the minor public school which I attended. Would figure that this befell me, and reckonably others like me: particularly because of my having been a wimpy and sedentary kid -- hating, and having zero interest in, sport of any kind (then, and lifelong). "Then and there", participation in team sports was of course compulsory for all. The school's winter game was rugby; about which I, aged eleven, knew nothing beyond the fact that it existed. I can't have been the only new boy in this position; but nothing whatever was done officially, for any teacher to instruct those of us to whom this applied, in the rules and workings of rugby; we were just left to muddle through, or not. I -- loathing sport, and clueless not only about that area of life, but about most aspects of dealings with fellow-humans; continued to have no idea about what I, or others, were supposed to be up to rugby-wise.

My situation thus, came -- indirectly -- to the notice of the prep-school department's headmaster. This gentleman was a zealous and somewhat ferocious evangelical Christian (the school as a whole, was not a particularly religious outfit; this guy, as a Christian firebrand, was an individual outlier) -- he proceeded to berate me for my evil "pride" in not having taken steps to -- presumably by enquiring of fellow-pupils -- acquaint myself with the workings of rugby. (I've found that Christians of a certain stamp, can have assorted bizarre ideas about the forms in which "wicked pride" on the part of sinners, may take.) In my case, general lack of gumption -- and my being on the whole, unpopular along my schoolfellows -- led to my still not trying particularly, to consult "fellow-inmates" to get self genned-up about the game concerned; I continued to hover bewilderedly around on the rugby field.

Having in mind the way in which schools generally function: although my school was not one of the sharper knives in its section of the scholastic drawer; it seems difficult to conceive of not having teachers (normally hyper-eager to try to impart knowledge to often unwilling pupils) ready and on the spot to, officially, teach new kids about the workings of a sport hitherto basically unknown to them -- just through "absent-mindedness" as it were, on the school's part. One feels hence, that this omission must have been deliberate policy. And one wonders -- why? Maybe a legacy of "Christian craziness", more general in past times than circa 1960 when it was confined to our zealot headmaster; maybe -- with public schools being supposed to be for the forming of future leaders of the country's society -- intended to foster initiative on the part of pupils, rather than their being allowed to rely on being passively spoon-fed about everything; or who knows what other reason for this oddity of an establishment dedicated to teaching, deliberately refraining -- in this particular matter -- from teaching?

I'd be interested to hear whether any other participants here, had a similar experience at school -- whether re sport, or other supposedly necessary or highly salutary life skills -- or whether this was a particular random weirdness of what was, at any rate at the time of my attending it, in many ways a rather sad and shabby apology for a school.

 

[Gloster]

We had to do games, particularly rugby in autumn, for our first three years. I was so inept that, along with my mate and another boy, I was still in the most junior game for first year pupils in my third year. I picked up a little of the rules, but never fully understood them: I tended to watch what others were doing and then adjust my actions to whatever seemed best. There was also a certain amount of strategic relocation: getting out of the way when I saw the horde of ravenous beasts approaching. I was more likely to stop someone by accidently running in front of them than in any approved way. The one thing that was not taught was how to tackle safely: there was an awful lot of everybody just piling on to whoever had the ball. We had a number of dislocated shoulders, broken legs, cracked cheekbones, missing teeth (*); another school near us had a broken back when a scrum collapsed.

* - It is amazing that parents spend a great deal of time choosing a school that will take care of their offspring, but seem unworried when said offspring return at the end of term looking like they have been sparring with the heavyweight champion of the world.

 

[Busaholic]

Not actually a rule, so much as a way of running an aspect of things -- which I suspect that many would, like me, regard as more than a bit daft.

This was a little over sixty years ago; came my way in the preparatory-school department of the minor public school which I attended. Would figure that this befell me, and reckonably others like me: particularly because of my having been a wimpy and sedentary kid -- hating, and having zero interest in, sport of any kind (then, and lifelong). "Then and there", participation in team sports was of course compulsory for all. The school's winter game was rugby; about which I, aged eleven, knew nothing beyond the fact that it existed. I can't have been the only new boy in this position; but nothing whatever was done officially, for any teacher to instruct those of us to whom this applied, in the rules and workings of rugby; we were just left to muddle through, or not. I -- loathing sport, and clueless not only about that area of life, but about most aspects of dealings with fellow-humans; continued to have no idea about what I, or others, were supposed to be up to rugby-wise.

My situation thus, came -- indirectly -- to the notice of the prep-school department's headmaster. This gentleman was a zealous and somewhat ferocious evangelical Christian (the school as a whole, was not a particularly religious outfit; this guy, as a Christian firebrand, was an individual outlier) -- he proceeded to berate me for my evil "pride" in not having taken steps to -- presumably by enquiring of fellow-pupils -- acquaint myself with the workings of rugby. (I've found that Christians of a certain stamp, can have assorted bizarre ideas about the forms in which "wicked pride" on the part of sinners, may take.) In my case, general lack of gumption -- and my being on the whole, unpopular along my schoolfellows -- led to my still not trying particularly, to consult "fellow-inmates" to get self genned-up about the game concerned; I continued to hover bewilderedly around on the rugby field.

Having in mind the way in which schools generally function: although my school was not one of the sharper knives in its section of the scholastic drawer; it seems difficult to conceive of not having teachers (normally hyper-eager to try to impart knowledge to often unwilling pupils) ready and on the spot to, officially, teach new kids about the workings of a sport hitherto basically unknown to them -- just through "absent-mindedness" as it were, on the school's part. One feels hence, that this omission must have been deliberate policy. And one wonders -- why? Maybe a legacy of "Christian craziness", more general in past times than circa 1960 when it was confined to our zealot headmaster; maybe -- with public schools being supposed to be for the forming of future leaders of the country's society -- intended to foster initiative on the part of pupils, rather than their being allowed to rely on being passively spoon-fed about everything; or who knows what other reason for this oddity of an establishment dedicated to teaching, deliberately refraining -- in this particular matter -- from teaching?

I'd be interested to hear whether any other participants here, had a similar experience at school -- whether re sport, or other supposedly necessary or highly salutary life skills -- or whether this was a particular random weirdness of what was, at any rate at the time of my attending it, in many ways a rather sad and shabby apology for a school.

My situation's not completely dissimilar, and was around the same time at a 'minor public school'. I'd entered this school at age 11 having a 'free place' under the London County Council Indirect Grant scheme, not a scholarship, so I don't consider I had a private education, and in any case it was poor in so many aspects. It was a day school (otherwise I'd have refused to go there, having already turned down a place offered at Christ's Hospital school in Sussex) but I quickly realised I'd have done far better, both educationally and emotionally, by going to one of the local grammar schools.

Being one of the few who'd started there at 11 rather than 7 or 8 and coming from a London suburb rather than the Green Belt of Kent I knew nothing about rugby, a situation which still applies sixty years later. If I say so myself, I'd been quite a good primary school footballer, not that we'd had teams or more than a playground to play on. I resented being forced into rugby, which I considered an inferior game. I also hated cross country running, but a group of us used to find a thicket to hide in and smoke until the main pack returned sweating madly and we'd tag on, more wheezing than sweating! Cricket I liked, but being a leg spin bowler was not popular at the time so, despite taking wickets in the 'trials', I was never picked for a school team. I was, however, made captain of the Johnson House team ( the only thing I have in common with the PM I hope) and reinvented myself by becoming a Boycott type opening batsman, my party trick being to carry my bat: never scored a century though. The R.E. teacher was in charge, and he and I spent quite a few Wednesday afternoons together, which made me very surprised a decade or two later when Private Eye magazine accused him of multiple paedophilia charges. I'd never found him other than a really good guy, so unlike many of the other teachers there, and saw no evidence of anything untoward.

So, like you I felt a bit like a fish out of water, although I had a few friends over the years, even if they changed.