Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

dangie · 8 Mar 2024

gg1 said:
**for context, I was one of the two kids who was always picked last when playing football. As was traditional in 1980s PE lessons, the worst player on the team generally ended up in goal.

Oh yes I remember that. Back in the late 1950’s early 1960’s when I was at school the last one to be picked was always the ‘little fat kid with glasses’.

Fortunately for me I quite good at sport so didn’t suffer that humiliation. Looking back there was no thought given to hurting anyone’s feelings. Fellow pupils could be cruel, but teachers could be even crueler.

Automerge
*************
Been mentioned before by others, but any TV programme which begins with ‘Celebrity…..’

Take tonight’s episode of ‘Celebrity’ Mastermind (how those two words can be in the same sentence is a mystery).

Out of the four celebrities, I’d only heard of one of them. She was Tricia Penrose. Now before anyone asks ‘who’s she’, she was the short skirted barmaid from 1992 to 2010 in the 1990’s television series ‘Heartbeat’ Where she has been since then….?? As for the others I haven’t a clue.

RailUK Forums

The exile · 9 Mar 2024

The use of the word “carnage” for anything that doesn’t involve blood, guts and gore. Especially when it actually means “it was a bit chaotic and I didn’t get a seat”.

daveo · 9 Mar 2024

Watching football on TNT Sports - frequent pop-ups blocking the bottom corner of the screen; meaningless stats or adverts for future programmes. We could cope without them!!!

Peter C · 9 Mar 2024

It's probably already been mentioned, but I'd ban this trend in television programmes where people are interviewed of showing them coming in, sitting down, getting ready, etc., instead of just having a proper introduction. I know it's often done to make it seem more personal or whatever, but it just looks tacky after you've seen it so many times. YouTubers do it too but on telly it just feels a bit worse for some reason! :lol:

-Peter

Mr. SW · 9 Mar 2024

The exile said:
The use of the word “carnage” for anything that doesn’t involve blood, guts and gore. Especially when it actually means “it was a bit chaotic and I didn’t get a seat”.

Agreed. So much overused, over-emotional tabloid drivel.
"Outrage". Really? Are people that furious with whatever you're writing about?
"Outcry". Yes. People are running around and screaming mindlessly about hospital waiting lists, delayed trains, rubbish in the streets etc.
"Feud". I'm not sure that a minor disagreement between two of the presenters on a daytime television programme is really warrants that description.
And many, many, many more...See pages 2, 3, 4, 5, 10 and 11 INSIDE your favourite newspaper.

dangie · 10 Mar 2024

The exile said:
The use of the word “carnage” for anything that doesn’t involve blood, guts and gore. Especially when it actually means “it was a bit chaotic and I didn’t get a seat”.

Overuse of the word ‘brave’ or ‘showed bravery’.
You show bravery for risking your life for the benefit of others, not ‘he showed bravery stepping up to take that penalty’, or ‘you’re very brave going out on a day like this’

Calthrop · 10 Mar 2024

An elaboration perhaps, on "wishing to ban" -- "wishing to ban the (seeming) banning of" ? I would desire to apply such a sanction, to the makers and marketers of (chiefly, straightforward English) mustard. In times not very long ago, mustard in tubes -- by Colman's, and possibly other mustard-makers -- was plentifully available in shops and supermarkets. Virtually no more, it seems -- ready-made mustard comes in nothing but jars of various sizes. The "tube" scenario is in my perception, wonderfully convenient: you can easily take a tube of the stuff with you wherever you go; in a situation of getting a snack involving meat, from a purveyor thereof who -- as seems frequently to be the case -- can offer assorted sauces and relishes, but not just plain old mustard -- you're "sorted". Also useful, I'd think, on hiking-and-camping scenes -- those, in oncoming old age, no longer in my remit. Mustard in tubes must be so very useful -- why on earth should it be, seemingly, on the death list?

KT550 · 10 Mar 2024

The hand dryers in public toilets that are hidden above and behind the wash basin which rarely work.
Some London rail stations have these (Liverpool St. and St. Pancras).

A special place in hell awaits the inventors and the people at Network Rail who approved their installation.

birchesgreen · 10 Mar 2024

Calthrop said:
Mustard in tubes must be so very useful -- why on earth should it be, seemingly, on the death list?

Presumably it wasn't that useful to many people.

Gloster · 10 Mar 2024

KT550 said:
The hand dryers in public toilets that are hidden above and behind the wash basin which rarely work.
Some London rail stations have these (Liverpool St. and St. Pancras).

Or those that are so powerful that they seem to work by firing a jet of air at your hands so that the water is blasted straight off…if your arms are strong enough to keep them in place for a few seconds. Wightlink at Portsmouth Harbour, I am looking at you, or will be once I have collected my detached arms from the other side of the room.

dangie · 10 Mar 2024

Gloster said:
Or those that are so powerful that they seem to work by firing a jet of air at your hands so that the water is blasted straight off…if your arms are strong enough to keep them in place for a few seconds. Wightlink at Portsmouth Harbour, I am looking at you, or will be once I have collected my detached arms from the other side of the room.

The dryer in the Gents toilet in the Sun Inn Stafford is like that. So powerful that it makes your skin ripple. I think it came off a Harrier Jump Jet.

Gloster · 10 Mar 2024

dangie said:
Overuse of the word ‘brave’ or ‘showed bravery’.
You show bravery for risking your life for the benefit of others, not ‘he showed bravery stepping up to take that penalty’, or ‘you’re very brave going out on a day like this’

The words hero or heroic could be bracketed with the above. You aren’t a hero: you have just displayed a piece of mundane and automatic politeness or consideration. A word of thanks or acknowledgement is enough: what will you say if I get hideously burned saving you from a burning car? (Most people would say that my appearance has improved.)

Lewisham2221 · 10 Mar 2024

Gloster said:
Or those that are so powerful that they seem to work by firing a jet of air at your hands so that the water is blasted straight off…if your arms are strong enough to keep them in place for a few seconds. Wightlink at Portsmouth Harbour, I am looking at you, or will be once I have collected my detached arms from the other side of the room.

I'd much rather those hand dryers, than the variety that appear to be powered by a recently deceased hamster and take an absolute age to achieve anything besides making a noise and causing a queue

Calthrop · 11 Mar 2024

birchesgreen said:
Presumably it wasn't that useful to many people.

Never mind "many people" -- I find it useful

!

Gloster said:
The words hero or heroic could be bracketed with the above. You aren’t a hero: you have just displayed a piece of mundane and automatic politeness or consideration. A word of thanks or acknowledgement is enough: what will you say if I get hideously burned saving you from a burning car? (Most people would say that my appearance has improved.)

Exemption, presumably, for "hero / heroine" in the works-of-fiction (widest possible application) sense. Few, I think, would take exception to William Brown's being referred to as the hero of the numerous tales of his doings, by Richmal Crompton; albeit he is just a naughty schoolboy, not a person who self-sacrificingly puts self in harm's way re horrific perils.

bspahh · 11 Mar 2024

Calthrop said:
An elaboration perhaps, on "wishing to ban" -- "wishing to ban the (seeming) banning of" ? I would desire to apply such a sanction, to the makers and marketers of (chiefly, straightforward English) mustard. In times not very long ago, mustard in tubes -- by Colman's, and possibly other mustard-makers -- was plentifully available in shops and supermarkets. Virtually no more, it seems -- ready-made mustard comes in nothing but jars of various sizes. The "tube" scenario is in my perception, wonderfully convenient: you can easily take a tube of the stuff with you wherever you go; in a situation of getting a snack involving meat, from a purveyor thereof who -- as seems frequently to be the case -- can offer assorted sauces and relishes, but not just plain old mustard -- you're "sorted". Also useful, I'd think, on hiking-and-camping scenes -- those, in oncoming old age, no longer in my remit. Mustard in tubes must be so very useful -- why on earth should it be, seemingly, on the death list?

You can get 150g packs of sqeezable Colman's mustard.
https://www.colmans.co.uk/products/mustards/english-squeezable-mustard.html still calls them a "jar" rather than a "tube"

Gloster · 11 Mar 2024

Calthrop said:
Exemption, presumably, for "hero / heroine" in the works-of-fiction (widest possible application) sense. Few, I think, would take exception to William Brown's being referred to as the hero of the numerous tales of his doings, by Richmal Crompton; albeit he is just a naughty schoolboy, not a person who self-sacrificingly puts self in harm's way re horrific perils.

No, that is an acceptable use for certain types of character in works of literature, including those who display traits that are not true heroism, although I don’t think it should be used of ‘bad‘ characters (define as you will), even if they are major characters and have some positive traits. I just mean that I dislike it when it is used to try and make a polite thank you into something much more…if it isn’t being used sarcastically.

61653 HTAFC · 11 Mar 2024

On the mustard thing, I'd ban people who carry their own condiments around with them to use when eating out, or even worse when a guest in someone else's home. It's just weird and in the latter case especially, quite rude.

jfollows · 11 Mar 2024

61653 HTAFC said:
On the mustard thing, I'd ban people who carry their own condiments around with them to use when eating out, or even worse when a guest in someone else's home. It's just weird and in the latter case especially, quite rude.

I have hot sauce on a key ring, only likely to get used on takeaway food when I’m out and never at someone’s house.

61653 HTAFC · 11 Mar 2024

bspahh said:
You can get 150g packs of sqeezable Colman's mustard.
https://www.colmans.co.uk/products/mustards/english-squeezable-mustard.html still calls them a "jar" rather than a "tube"

That's more annoying than a guest pulling sachets of Heinz ketchup out of their pockets for the bacon sandwich I've just made them!

Sun Chariot · 11 Mar 2024

jfollows said:
I have hot sauce on a key ring

I hope that's the only "ring" that the hot sauce gets on

.

61653 HTAFC said:
I'd ban people who carry their own condiments around with them

The things I've learned via this forum

- I've never heard of people doing that.
I'll be watching other diners like a hawk, from now on...

Peter C · 11 Mar 2024

I'd ban Windows removing the "show desktop" button in the bottom right-hand corner of the screen (on the right side of the taskbar). It's gone in the past few weeks I think and it's really annoying given how often I use it! I wonder if there's a way of getting it back...?

-Peter

daveo · 11 Mar 2024

Peter C said:
I'd ban Windows removing the "show desktop" button in the bottom right-hand corner of the screen (on the right side of the taskbar). It's gone in the past few weeks I think and it's really annoying given how often I use it! I wonder if there's a way of getting it back...?

-Peter

windows key and "D"

dgl · 11 Mar 2024

As for carrying condiments, at Morrison's they've started charging for ketchup and the like in the café so it's cheaper just to go and buy some cheap stuff from the shop, plus they don't give you any lemon with the fish so that's another handy thing to have.

32475 · 11 Mar 2024

61653 HTAFC said:
On the mustard thing, I'd ban people who carry their own condiments around with them to use when eating out, or even worse when a guest in someone else's home. It's just weird and in the latter case especially, quite rude.

Agreed but in the unlikely event that someone turned up with a cruet set I think I’d be incredibly impressed and it would add a surreal twist to the occasion!

Richardr · 11 Mar 2024

Peter C said:
I'd ban Windows removing the "show desktop" button in the bottom right-hand corner of the screen (on the right side of the taskbar). It's gone in the past few weeks I think and it's really annoying given how often I use it! I wonder if there's a way of getting it back...?

-Peter

I've still got it. However, if you've lost it, right click on the taskbar, click taskbar settings, click taskbar behaviours, and make sure you have "select the far corner ..." ticked.

dangie · 11 Mar 2024

Hypothetically, if someone turned up at my house for a meal, asked if I had mustard, I said I hadn’t, they then said ‘I didn’t think you would have so I’ve brought some, would you mind if I use it’, I’d say ‘of course not, go ahead.’

To give a real life example, I’ve had friends turning up with their own beer saying ‘I can’t drink that sh*te you drink, I’ve brought my own’.

Am I offended….. of course not…..

Peter C · 11 Mar 2024

daveo said:
windows key and "D"

That's the shortcut I've been using - but thanks.

It's just irritating having to remember to use it rather than the button!

Richardr said:
I've still got it. However, if you've lost it, right click on the taskbar, click taskbar settings, click taskbar behaviours, and make sure you have "select the far corner ..." ticked.

Aha! Thanks so much Richard - that's worked a treat. Now I'll be seeing my desktop at the push of a button once more... :lol:

-Peter

bspahh · 11 Mar 2024

Peter C said:
I'd ban Windows removing the "show desktop" button in the bottom right-hand corner of the screen (on the right side of the taskbar). It's gone in the past few weeks I think and it's really annoying given how often I use it! I wonder if there's a way of getting it back...?

-Peter

I like https://www.startallback.com/ to preserve some of the look and feel of earlier Windows versions

Busaholic · 11 Mar 2024

Gloster said:
The words hero or heroic could be bracketed with the above. You aren’t a hero: you have just displayed a piece of mundane and automatic politeness or consideration. A word of thanks or acknowledgement is enough: what will you say if I get hideously burned saving you from a burning car? (Most people would say that my appearance has improved.)

I know this will be contentious to some, but I don't think the charity for assisting Armed Forces' veterans being named 'Help for Heroes' is appropriate either. The naming was probably inevitable once the Sun newspaper got behind the plans drawn up by a couple who'd witnessed discrimination against some ex-soldiers in a public swimming pool, but implying that all servicemen and servicewomen are heroes just because they signed up is ludicrous. If my father was still alive I know he'd be even more vehement, and he spent the whole of the war in the Royal Tank Regiment and for many years afterwards in the Territorial Army in Westminster.

61653 HTAFC · 11 Mar 2024

32475 said:
Agreed but in the unlikely event that someone turned up with a cruet set I think I’d be incredibly impressed and it would add a surreal twist to the occasion!

I agree- if you're going to do it, go all-in!
At least then I can admire the audacity of it. :lol:

dangie said:
Hypothetically, if someone turned up at my house for a meal, asked if I had mustard, I said I hadn’t, they then said ‘I didn’t think you would have so I’ve brought some, would you mind if I use it’, I’d say ‘of course not, go ahead.’

To give a real life example, I’ve had friends turning up with their own beer saying ‘I can’t drink that sh*te you drink, I’ve brought my own’.

Am I offended….. of course not…..

Clearly there are two ways of avoiding the "ban":
(a) Take it to the extreme so it becomes funny/admirable, as above.
(b) Do it among family/friends, and/or be polite/jokey about it.

Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

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