Stupid things

[umontu]

Had a quick search and found some old similar topics but I'm wondering what's the most silly/misguided thing you've heard a customer or an employee say on the railways?

I can think of some on busses but not on trains, when the bus pass was introduced for over 60's I remember several people holding the busses up before 9am thinking their passes were valid and being livid that the driver would dare let on a young teenager such as myself (At the time.) when they couldn't get on. Interestingly about 90% of the passengers on that route now use bus passes...

Anyhoo, back to trains, anyone want to liven up this Sunday night?

 

[LE Greys]

Record of a conversation in Coach B of the up Highland Chieftain just after the announcement about the quiet coach.

Passenger:
Can I use an arc welder?

Crank:
What!?

Passenger:
Can I use an arc welder if it's in silent mode?

Crank:
[Stunned silence]

 

[CliveJones]

Many people seem to think that signals exist only to tell them when the train is coming (including automatic signals)

"Your train will be here is about 5 mins"
"But the signal is yellow. Pah they cant even get that right. Stupid company".
"Errr..."

 

[umontu]

Many people seem to think that signals exist only to tell them when the train is coming (including automatic signals)

"Your train will be here is about 5 mins"
"But the signal is yellow. Pah they cant even get that right. Stupid company".
"Errr..."

My dad said this today! Followed by my brief explanation of signaling and blocks...

Loving the arc welder.

 

[westcoaster]

Passenger: "is this a Bedford train"
Staff " no it's a first capital connect train"

 

[CliveJones]

The craziest (and I mean really crazy) was two customers who despite my assurances because increasingly alarmed by the stones in the track (not the ballast, but just bits of stuff lying in the 4').

I was unable to convince them that a train will not be derailed by them as they had been there for years AND the passengers themselves had just seen a train leave from that platform without falling over or anything.

They became quite hysterical and ended up getting a refund because it just wasn't safe enough for them.

---

"Do I have to buy that advance ticket in advance?"


----
Customer buys a week bus pass (asked for)(we used to sell them)
"This bus pass runs out in 7 days!"
"Well yes, its a weekly bus pass, how long did you expect it to last?"
"Oh no thats a rip off that is, give me a refund"

 

[O L Leigh]

Passenger looks at the train at a terminus station.

"Which way does the train go?"

O L Leigh

 

[LE Greys]

Doesn't necessarily have to be other people. On one occasion aboard an HST, I reported an "intermittent hissing noise" to the guard, suspecting a minor leak in the high-pressure air system, only to discover that it was a four-year-old kid somewhere behind me.

 

[CliveJones]

Doesn't necessarily have to be other people. On one occasion aboard an HST, I reported an "intermittent hissing noise" to the guard, suspecting a minor leak in the high-pressure air system, only to discover that it was a four-year-old kid somewhere behind me.

Thats all right. I reported a strange metal box I had never seen before that was attached to the wall to the conductor of a train as a security concern. The conductor promised to investigate.

Later I discovered it was air freshers installed by my TOC.

 

[scotsman]

Once watched as some wasted woman tried to yank the Driver's door open on a 170, thinking there was a bog inside...
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---
Also, (this one is excusable though) the Guard is showing a kid and his parents the brake van
Guard: Do you know what this is? [Points to handbrake]
Kid: The steering wheel?

 

[deltic1989]

Record of a conversation in Coach B of the up Highland Chieftain just after the announcement about the quiet coach.

Passenger:
Can I use an arc welder?

Crank:
What!?

Passenger:
Can I use an arc welder if it's in silent mode?

Crank:
[Stunned silence]

Lol, what was he planning on welding??

Passenger: "is this a Bedford train"
Staff " no it's a first capital connect train"

Lmao

Once watched as some wasted woman tried to yank the Driver's door open on a 170, thinking there was a bog inside...
--- old post above --- --- new post below ---
Also, (this one is excusable though) the Guard is showing a kid and his parents the brake van
Guard: Do you know what this is? [Points to handbrake]
Kid: The steering wheel?

Imagine the shock the driver would have got if she had got in and releived herself all over the secondmans seat though.

The kid one i've heard before....... Still doesn't lose the ahhhhhh factor though.

 

[Via Bank]

On a London-bound service coming into Woking.

Doors open, Celia Drummond's PA voice comes on: "This train is for London Waterloo. The next station is London Waterloo."

Passenger a few rows back: "OH! Is that where we're getting off?"

(Said passenger also managed to spend around thirty seconds jabbing at the door buttons on the wrong side at Waterloo, ignoring the fact everyone else was using the opposite door.)

 

[CNX]

This is true account, and not second hand hearsay, as I was the fleet controller involved. The call was from a driver, using the cab to shore radio, the unit was 158810, the train was 1E75, and the words as are as accurate as I can recollect.

Driver to Control. 'Is that fleet control, over?'

Fleet Controller (me) to Driver. 'Yes driver, what's the problem, over?'

Driver to Fleet Controller 'This unit is low on power, over'

Fleet Controller to Driver 'Is it bad, over?'

During the exchange I was accessing TRUST and our mapping screens to see where the train was, and how it was performing.

Driver to Fleet Controller ' Yes, its bad, over'

Fleet Controller to Driver ' In that case, what are you doing in Huddersfield 5 minutes early, over?'

The silence was deafening.

Over and out!

On a more serious point, while this goon was occupying the cab to shore help line complaning about nothing, a driver who's unit had a genuine problem, such as defective AWS that needed urgent attention, would not have been able to get through.

 

[Mintona]

Points to train; "Is this Ashford?" "No, this is St. Pancras..."

 

[Nym]

During a one under in Longsight, quite busy at Piccadilly, I'd just given up on getting anywhere south out of Piccadilly and was walking out to Victoria.

Passenger #1 How the hell can I get to Liverpoool now?

PSA (TPE): You can either wait for the 12xx Transpennine Express service that is running on Platform 14, Walk to Oxford Road where the service is running, or Victoria.

This carries on for a while. Somone then tried to be clever.

Passenger #57: So how can I get to Longsight Station?

PSA: Travel back in time to before it was closed 30 odd years ago, or get the bus like anyone else would!

 

[BestWestern]

It never ceases to amaze me how frequently people refer to us Guards as 'Driver' and seem to genuinely believe that is the case, despite the fact that we are stood in the middle of a coach whilst the train is doing 90mph! Or even more incredible, as you emerge from the back cab of the train - because a train is bound to be driven from the back end, isn't it....???

 

[driver9000]

I was once asked why my train wasn't moving (I was waiting on the platform for the signalman to phone back). I explained that it had a defective brake and I was waiting for instructions on where to stable it. They then asked me why would a train need brakes when they have a magnet!

 

[fairysdad]

Doesn't necessarily have to be other people. On one occasion aboard an HST, I reported an "intermittent hissing noise" to the guard, suspecting a minor leak in the high-pressure air system, only to discover that it was a four-year-old kid somewhere behind me.

Reminds me of the time I heard of when FGW were trialing the new HST engines and a signalman reported the set faulty as he couldn't hear the rear engine as it went past his 'box...

Then there was the time at Barnstaple station where I was asked which platform the Exeter train left from...

 

[Tom B]

When a HST broke down outside Waverley, I asked a member of staff if he had any idea how late it would be, as I had a meeting in London to get to. The reply... "It's not late until it arrives"!

 

[SouthEastern-465]

*Station Announcement* "The train now approaching platform 3 is the 18:33 SouthEastern service to London Charing Cross..."

Passenger: "Is this the SE service to Charing Cross?"

 

[Eng274]

On some obscure satellite channel (or possibly channel 5) a couple of years back was a programme about top ten bridges in the world or something similar, and I was shocked beyond humour when the (not first placed) Forth Bridge was apparently "...providing a vital link between Edinburgh and Glasgow".

Words really fail me. I was nearly offended enough to complain to the producers!

 

[O L Leigh]

I did hear about a driver who had called up Control to complain that his unit was low on power because it was running on just one engine. The Controller asked the driver which unit it was to which the driver replied "It's unit number 153..."

O L Leigh

 

[mindfeeder]

The scene: Platform Two, Leamington Spa (Northbound, for those who don't know)

Woman, asking a station attendant in Chiltern Uniform: Is this the platform for Banbury?

Station attendant: I can't remember, sorry.

 

[quarella]

In my rail enquiry days was giving a caller details of a journey on a Sunday.

".. and then take the rail replacement bus at XXX to XXXXXX" I was interrupted by the lady "A bus! What's a bus?"
Afraid I couldn't stop myself from describing one.

 

[David Dunning]

I was on a York Park and Ride bus on the route past the NRM a few year back and heard two women talking
Woman 1 Oh look there's the national railway museum have you been there
Woman 2 Yes a while back
Woman 1 Was it good
Woman 2 Not really , it's full of trains

and on a Waterloo to Portsmouth train
Passenger ...... Does this train stop at Portsmouth Harbour?
Guard ...... I do hope so madam .

 

[linesider]

I was being served at Chester-Le-Street ticket office recently when a woman walked in,ignored the queue,and shouted through the glass "Can you wait on any platform?" She was politely told "Yes madam, you can wait on any platform"and she went out.I never found out if she boarded the correct train.

 

[TheManWho]

My favourite one:

Passenger (running and pointing at the train)- Bank?
PSA (DLR)- No sir, it's a train
PSA then closes their door and departs the train, leaving said gentleman on the platform

 

[scotsman]

On TTI duty on the Strathspey, running off to Tesco to get some grub, passing through the station car park

Driver: [In space between 2 other cars] Can I park here?

 

[jon0844]

My favourite one:

Passenger (running and pointing at the train)- Bank?
PSA (DLR)- No sir, it's a train
PSA then closes their door and departs the train, leaving said gentleman on the platform

That's cruel! If English isn't their first language, that could have totally confused the passenger!

 

[me123]

Now, to be fair, one of them had their headphones in so didn't really get the context, but still pretty stupid.

Scotrail auto-announcer: "Please mind the gap when boarding or alighting from this train"
Passenger 1: "What does alight mean?"
Passenger 2: [removing headphones] "Setting fire to something"

And one heard at a station just before the train arrives: "... but the train's not going to stop if they don't turn the signal back to red!". Well, at least they know that red means stop...