Useless vending machines at Ashford International

[yorksrob]

Was in a hurry and went to buy a soft drink at one of the vending machines at Ashford Station.

Typed in my selection. Waived my card at the terminal to pay. Expected my soft drink to be delivered.

No. The panel started to flash wanting me to make my selection again, only this time several of the didgits were greyed out, including the necessary one to make my selection.

To make matters worse, the machine then started giving audio instructions to me in a foreign language.

Who exactly designed this vending system. Frank Spencer ?

 

[rower40]

Could have been worse - given the thread title, I expected it to refer to a vending machine for a Eurostar ticket.

 

[Bletchleyite]

The problem is that these are mostly cheap Chinese card acceptance devices bodged onto machines designed for cash transactions. Hopefully they'll get better in future.

 

[Purple Train]

I've tried to use these vending machines twice. Once, I couldn't figure it out, and the combined wisdom of myself and a man in a suit was only able to work out how the thing worked when my train was pulling in!

The other time was at Doncaster, and I bought a Twix to complement my Subway sandwich from platform 1. It successfully disgorged a Twix into the basin, but the heavy metal flap nearly took my arm off when I tried to push it open to grab it. Eventually I located my treat and hurried off with it to my train. In many years of dedicated Twix-eating, I can comfortably say it was the worst Twix I have ever eaten. I had to use both hands to eat it, as just one wasn't strong enough to tear it out of my teeth. It was astonishingly tough.

 

[Bletchleyite]

The other time was at Doncaster, and I bought a Twix to complement my Subway sandwich from platform 1. It successfully disgorged a Twix into the basin, but the heavy metal flap nearly took my arm off when I tried to push it open to grab it. Eventually I located my treat and hurried off with it to my train. In many years of dedicated Twix-eating, I can comfortably say it was the worst Twix I have ever eaten. I had to use both hands to eat it, as just one wasn't strong enough to tear it out of my teeth. It was astonishingly tough.

These machines are normally refrigerated for fairly obvious reasons. Put a Twix in the fridge and you'll get the same effect.

 

[BluePenguin]

Was in a hurry and went to buy a soft drink at one of the vending machines at Ashford Station.

Typed in my selection. Waived my card at the terminal to pay. Expected my soft drink to be delivered.

No. The panel started to flash wanting me to make my selection again, only this time several of the didgits were greyed out, including the necessary one to make my selection.

To make matters worse, the machine then started giving audio instructions to me in a foreign language.

Who exactly designed this vendoing system. Frank Spencer ?

What a coincidence, I was changing trains at Ashford last night and noticed a drink that was stuck in the grabber as I was walking around. Were you the one who bought that bottle of water by any chance?

 

[yorksrob]

What a coincidence, I was changing trains at Ashford last night and noticed a drink that was stuck in the grabber as I was walking around. Were you the one who bought that bottle of water by any chance?

Nah, mine was this morning. I'll check if there's anything there on the way back though

 

[jon0844]

It successfully disgorged a Twix into the basin, but the heavy metal flap nearly took my arm off when I tried to push it open to grab it.

The idea is to chop your fingers off when you take your Twix, and later staff will come along, cover them in chocolate, wrap them and put them in for the next customer.

 

[Purple Train]

The idea is to chop your fingers off when you take your Twix, and later staff will come along, cover them in chocolate, wrap them and put them in for the next customer.

I wondered why the caramel was red...

 

[TJM]

Are these dodgy vending machines referred to operated by the TOC? I know all the ones down South Western Railway are franchised out to Selecta, so they do tend to work if it's your birthday and the stars align...

 

[jon0844]

They're all run by another firm and they all have notices saying rail staff cannot assist when they go wrong, which they will almost guaranteed.

 

[py_megapixel]

At certain Northern stations there are vending machines from a company I hadn't previously heard of called either "Decorum Vending" or "HelloGoodChoices" (not sure which).

I can't vouch for or against their reliability as the prices are so ridiculous I've never tried them! I suppose that's what happens when you have goods from branded "grab and go" ranges (already pricey), plus the inflation of the last few years, plus the typical railway catering markup, plus the typical vending machine markup.

 

[jon0844]

At least the new drink vending machines use an arm that will definitely get you item. The rotary metal ones may as well just take your money and not even try to vend!

 

[yorksrob]

Are these dodgy vending machines referred to operated by the TOC? I know all the ones down South Western Railway are franchised out to Selecta, so they do tend to work if it's your birthday and the stars align...

No, nowt to do with the TOC apparently.

I don't even think they're Selecta anymore

 

[Mikey C]

These machines are normally refrigerated for fairly obvious reasons. Put a Twix in the fridge and you'll get the same effect.

I broke a tooth on a rock solid cold chocolate bar once... A very expensive Double Decker!

 

[occone]

Years ago I wanted to wet the whistle while on the move at a station that had a cafe in sight, but with six lines of track and two island platforms in the way it may as well have been in China. There was a (I think Clix) vending machine which I entrusted with this task, and after a few minutes of crunching, shaking, steaming and frothing, a little carousel spun around to reveal a cup of grey water.

It honestly look like they'd plumbed the hot chocolate supply line into the dirty dishwater supply line. I was so revolted I left the cup on its spinning platter as it was the closest I could get to giving it back. The machine beeped at me a few times before shutting down, the cup of floaty grey water an omen to future passengers.

I refused to use a station vending machine again, and did so over for a decade until finding myself at Stoke on Trent at 10pm rather disheveled after many hours being carbonated on a Voyager.

This machine worked, and took card. It fulfilled its side of the "deal" (if you can call a warm and almost out of date bottle of Sprite for over £2 a deal). Trouble is, in the interim I'd been spoilt by vending machines that have a boom which smoothly collects the drink and carefully slides it down to a spinning platter like some kind of prize, so when this machine just dropped my Sprite from the top row, I didn't even consider the drink being as carbonated as I was.

I was dumb, I was tired, I opened it up smartly to an almighty sideways rush of bubbles and sticky goo that went *all* over the platform in a little radius around me. It was quite theatrical, like a sprinkler going off in an American movie.

The member of staff who saw it just shook his head, and despite my protestations refused to let me clean it up. I felt so fantastically stupid but couldn't help see the humour (so did he, but I think he was being polite by not laughing in my face). It was nice of him to be so okay to mop up the ground-Sprite. My punishment was that out of a whole bottle, only half now remained.

Half a bottle of Sprite for £2. Time for another decade of protest!

 

[Blindtraveler]

My one and only experience of the vending machine on the London bound platform at Chatham was that it took my payment and dispensed my Fanta but four days later the money was then refunded to my card with a note on it saying machine fault. I didn't bother to query it, I'd had a thankfully chilled bottle of phantom that wasn't all shook up for free, and it was probably the highlight of a particularly crummy trip to London where southeastern had almost entirely fallen to pieces and I had a tight connection for a Megabus coach at Finchley road


Next challenge for vending machine manufacturers and operators, after solving the lukewarm sprite and poor dispensation and dish water hot chocolate and teeth cracking chocolate bars is to make a vending machine that a blind person can use unaided

 

[Recessio]

The one at Lewes station never works. The contactless terminal was frozen for months - powered on, displaying a glitched screen, but absolutely dead as a doornail.

For obvious reasons, the power supply is hidden behind a locked panel, presumably so youths can't disconnect it for "fun", but also means the machine can't be simply turned off and on again for a quick fix!

 

[Purple Train]

They're all run by another firm and they all have notices saying rail staff cannot assist when they go wrong, which they will almost guaranteed.

All the ones I've seen have been operated by "Decorum Vending" - as if!

 

[Bletchleyite]

All the ones I've seen have been operated by "Decorum Vending" - as if!

I'd always taken that to mean a misspelled (deliberately or not) Dacorum, i.e. they're from Hemel Hempstead (for which it is the Roman name, retained by the local Council). But apparently not, they're from Christchurch. What an odd name.

 

[Purple Train]

I'd always taken that to mean a misspelled (deliberately or not) Dacorum, i.e. they're from Hemel Hempstead (for which it is the Roman name, retained by the local Council). But apparently not, they're from Christchurch. What an odd name.

That reminds me of all the Deva-themed paraphernalia around Chester, which I used to wonder might have been the local spelling of Dave.

And certainly a Decorum Vending name is rather ironic given all they seem to want to do is encourage anger at their machines!

 

[BluePenguin]

Nah, mine was this morning. I'll check if there's anything there on the way back though

The plot thickens, I wonder who was lucky and hit the jackpot when they next used that machine then and got 2 drinks. Did you check on your way back last night to see if there were any more stuck?

 

[yorksrob]

The plot thickens, I wonder who was lucky and hit the jackpot when they next used that machine then and got 2 drinks. Did you check on your way back last night to see if there were any more stuck?

Alas, I forgot !

 

[MotCO]

I didn't bother to query it, I'd had a thankfully chilled bottle of phantom that wasn't all shook up for free,

The delights of spellcheck!

 

[Parallel]

I haven’t ever really had any problems with vending machines at stations, other than some of the products being overpriced. There is the odd time where the card terminal is down or it says the item is sold out when it’s clearly there but they come in handy sometimes.

The ones at Westbury could do with taking cards but I think they’re stocked by the station buffet there.

 

[izvor]

Try Japan! It's a paradise in this respect. The vending machines actually work, sell a huge range of products and, best of all, charge the same price as a shop so you don't feel ripped off.

I feel so sorry for Japanese tourists over here, having to put up with our crap vending machines (to say nothing of the railways...).

 

[James H]

I was impressed by the vending machines at Paris Austerlitz that sold some high quality sandwiches and foods that would put any UK station to shame

 

[jon0844]

I was impressed by the vending machines at Paris Austerlitz that sold some high quality sandwiches and foods that would put any UK station to shame

I discovered quite late on that getting a bottle of coke or water on the Paris metro, from a vending machine, was FAR cheaper than any other kiosk above ground.

Sure you could just go to a supermarket and buy loads, but on a hot day you want a nice cold drink - and the vending machines were the place to go.

To clarify, they aren't particularly cheap but compared to anywhere else they were/are a bargain.

In the UK, vending machines are for the extremely desperate, brave and highly optimistic.

 

[sprunt]

In the UK, vending machines are for the extremely desperate, brave and highly optimistic.

Yeah, I was going to ask whether there was a golden age of railway vending machines? I can't remember a time when they were consistently any good or likely to be working at any given moment and the old chocolate machines on the tube were something of a music hall joke for their lack of reliability.

 

[seaviewer]

Yeah, I was going to ask whether there was a golden age of railway vending machines? I can't remember a time when they were consistently any good or likely to be working at any given moment and the old chocolate machines on the tube were something of a music hall joke for their lack of reliability.