Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[WestRiding]

Crisps on Night Shift between 2200 and 0600 in the Signal Box, antisocial food.

 

[Mojo]

The reason for that is because choosing whether you want a receipt is a pretty new thing, presumably to somehow appear environmentally friendly. Until a few years ago most places used to give one by default and if you didn't want it you were expected to just put it in the bin on your way out of the store.

I tend to avoid it, because I shred all my receipts for security reasons, and for some reason most modern domestic shredders don’t seem to have an ‘on’ function but only an ‘auto’ function, meaning that it is quite difficult to shred receipts and you normally have to fold them in a piece of paper.

 

[Busaholic]

Unforunately that doesn't help pedestrians wanting to cross at a junction much help.

That said, I notice that in your neck of the woods, where there is a pelican crossing, they don't make pedestrians wait for ten minutes for the lights to change

There are exceptions e.g. on the A30 at Crowlas.

 

[westv]

All American spellings and phrases should be banned in the UK with an 18 month prison sentence for those that don't comply.

 

[Busaholic]

All American spellings and phrases should be banned in the UK with an 18 month prison sentence for those that don't comply.

Better get building those prisons! I'd try and 'plea bargain' my way out of such a sentence.

 

[godfreycomplex]

Crisps on Night Shift between 2200 and 0600 in the Signal Box, antisocial food.

There may have been a signaller in the not too distant past who attempted to crack walnuts on the night shift. They were quickly made to see the error of their ways.

 

[nlogax]

All American spellings and phrases should be banned in the UK with an 18 month prison sentence for those that don't comply.

*makes mental note to deploy even more US spellings and phrases - because I can*

 

[alex397]

All American spellings and phrases should be banned in the UK with an 18 month prison sentence for those that don't comply.

Any website being accessed from the UK should be made to immediately translate ‘color’ into ‘colour’.

 

[pappleby]

'Charity Adverts, adverts, smoking, not washing hands after using the toilet, c RAP so called music, sitting in car, letting engine running, bloody dogs barking, day, morning noon and night, football, Alan Carr, Graham Norton, Wokism, School Run, 4 x 4's, Harry & Meghan, grrr,

 

[alex397]

Anti-wokeism

 

[Gloster]

People who enthuse about how lucky you are that their pet dog likes you, while something resembling a heroin-crazed Siberian timber-wolf tries to rip your throat out.

 

[TheEdge]

People who enthuse about how lucky you are that their pet dog likes you, while something resembling a heroin-crazed Siberian timber-wolf tries to rip your throat out.

Related;

People who automatically assume because they like dogs that everyone else (i.e. me) likes dogs. I don't care if "he's just friendly", control your mutt.

People who decide to do all their banking at a Tesco cash machine. Hurry up, I need to get £10 for change for the trolley because I spent my coin in the vending machine at work.

Dawdling old people. Do you not realise you are running out of time on Earth to spend it dawdling? MOVE!

Any website that goes "You are using a ad-blocker, please add us to your whitelist". Nope, bye.

 

[Class465pacer]

'Charity Adverts, adverts, smoking, not washing hands after using the toilet, c RAP so called music, sitting in car, letting engine running, bloody dogs barking, day, morning noon and night, football, Alan Carr, Graham Norton, Wokism, School Run, 4 x 4's, Harry & Meghan, grrr,

Which rappers are the ones you dislike?

 

[Ianno87]

Comedians, particularly stand-up ones, who think that adding obscenities makes a routine, story or joke funnier (or even funny when it isn’t).

And audience members who laugh loudly to show how sophisticated, with-it or adult they are.

Oh yes. Laughing a swear words because they're the funniest part of the joke. The best comedians don't need to resort to that.

 

[gg1]

Which rappers are the ones you dislike?

What an odd question (asked for the second time on this thread). If someone says they have a blanket dislike of a particular genre of music it's fair to assume they don't like any artists who perform said genre.

 

[Class465pacer]

What an odd question (asked for the second time on this thread). If someone says they dislike a particular genre of music it's fair to assume they don't like any artists who perform said genre.

I was asking as rap has a lot of different sounds and subcultures, and I would be wondering who they listened to that gave them a bad taste of the genre

 

[Ianno87]

People who say "muzzles" and "face nappies" as if it's the pinnacle of wit and insight.

 

[LSWR Cavalier]

American spelling, talk?

There is criticism of Peppa Pig in the US, children watching it are acquiring English accents, oh no! Actually I thought standard English was not an 'accent'

 

[GrimsbyPacer]

What's the problem with "brought from the shops" instead of "bought from the shops"?
Brought means to bring (which is telling someone you hauled the bags down the street), bought means to buy (so is bragging about spending money instead), both terms are equally valid surely.

 

[Class465pacer]

People who say "muzzles" and "face nappies" as if it's the pinnacle of wit and insight.

I’m wondering if you are referring to @duncanp 's post on the Covid subforum.

Nice to see that some people are leading by example and ditching the face nappies.

Hopefully this will induce others to follow suit.

In all the photographs accompanying the article, there is not a single mask in sight, which makes a change from that sad picture of The Queen all muzzled up at her husband's funeral.

 

[GrimsbyPacer]

American spelling, talk?

There is criticism of Peppa Pig in the US, children watching it are acquiring English accents, oh no! Actually I thought standard English was not an 'accent'

You're right, English is... whatever the English speak. American-English is the accent.

 

[duncanp]

People who say "muzzles" and "face nappies" as if it's the pinnacle of wit and insight.

I don't use the terms "muzzles" and "face nappies" in order to be whitty or insightful.

I use them as pejorative terms for face "coverings/masks" in order to show my complete and utter contempt for them.

 

[WelshBluebird]

People who say "muzzles" and "face nappies" as if it's the pinnacle of wit and insight.

It's like the people who use M$ for Microsoft, or Liebour instead of Labour and the like. Just comes across as pretty childish!

 

[NoMorePacers]

YouTube rail video titles with something like ********MEGA RARE!!!!!11111!!!******** in it.

 

[birchesgreen]

People who say there is no good music anymore. No you are wrong, there is probably more good music around now than at any time in history, you are just too lazy to seek it out.

 

[Meerkat]

“Saved by the woodwork”
If it doesn’t go in it wasn’t on target and therefore didn’t need, and wasn’t, saved. It missed.
And it’s almost Certainly not wood anyway……

 

[Bald Rick]

There is criticism of Peppa Pig in the US, children watching it are acquiring English accents, oh no!

And a subconscious craving for bacon sandwiches...

 

[tbtc]

The use of "Karen" to dismiss opinionated women.

I've worked in Customer Services before, I've dealt with angry people, male and female. But when men remonstrate, they are "assertive" or "confident" or "the kind of man who knows what he likes and stands up for what he believes in"...

...yet when a woman does it she's a "Karen", she's "bossy" - it's just a modern twist on sexism - applying different standards when women do something. There are always bad examples on both sides but people pick up on it differently depending on whether it's a man or a woman who's looking for an argument/ discount/ refund - we praise men for behaviour that we ridicule women for (the same things happen racially too - people are quick to paint someone non-white as being "angry" or "emotional", even if they behave the same as a white person has/would)

Chatty packaging in general. For decades now British marketing has exuded a desperate need to tell you about what experience you think you should be having when consuming something.

People using the first person to describe inanimate objects. I’m looking at you, Northern, and your inane “Hi! I’m carriage 52344 and I want to look my best for you” stickers, and my work who insist on having signs for broken printers / toilets / whatever that say “sorry I’m feeling a bit poorly”

This is the big wide world, not a playgroup

I agree with both of the above

I could understand perfectly well when I saw a bus with "Not In Service" on the front - simple - but now it says "Sorry I'm Not In Service", as if we are all toddlers

There's "polite"/ "customer friendly" and there's "patronising" - like the infantile world of Innocent Smoothies

All American spellings and phrases should be banned in the UK with an 18 month prison sentence for those that don't comply.

They can irritate me but then there are some examples which were the "olde" English versions of words - the American English version is the original spelling whilst the British English version has changed since the days of the mass migration over the ocean

It's like the people who use M$ for Microsoft, or Liebour instead of Labour and the like. Just comes across as pretty childish!

Agreed - people should be able to get their point over without the need to be overly-childish - e.g. I disagreed with George Osbourn on a number of things but didn't need to call him "Gidiot" - see also the Corbynites who find it big and clever to call Keir Starmer "Keith" or even "Kieth"

 

[py_megapixel]

And a subconscious craving for bacon sandwiches...

There's a farm shop a few miles from where I live that advertises its cuts of beef with a depiction of a well-fed cow chewing on a big mouthful of grass and looking extremely happy about it. This seems somewhat at odds with the fact that what you actually buy has just been electrocuted.

 

[Cowley]

Face mask threads!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!