Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[duncanp]

On the subject of pauses in announcements the game shows where they say "and the winner is......" with a long pause. Just get on with it the daft pause adds nothing bar irritation.

Can we ban any show whose title starts "..The Masked....."

All those people working themselves up into a frenzy over "..who is Fish & Chip cone?..", should go and get a life.

I shouldn't be surprised if we don't get "The Masked Baker", "The Masked Potter", "The Masked Chef" or "The Masked Sewer" soon, as TV producers carry on flogging a dead horse rather than coming up with something original.

 

[Steddenm]

I think The Masked Sewer would go down the pan quite quickly...

I'll get my coat.

 

[DelayRepay]

I would like to ban food being served on anything but a plate. Yesterday's burger was served on a plank of wood, with the chips in a little metal bucket. I have no idea why.

 

[DelW]

I would like to ban food being served on anything but a plate. Yesterday's burger was served on a plank of wood, with the chips in a little metal bucket. I have no idea why.

Similarly when having fish and chips in a pub, and the mushy peas come in a tiny little saucepan. Since I've specified which type of peas I want, I'm going to eat them, so why not just put them on the plate?

 

[DelayRepay]

Similarly when having fish and chips in a pub, and the mushy peas come in a tiny little saucepan. Since I've specified which type of peas I want, I'm going to eat them, so why not just put them on the plate?

I suspect, like my chips, it's a way of giving you a smaller portion without making it obvious.

 

[duncanp]

Similarly when having fish and chips in a pub, and the mushy peas come in a tiny little saucepan. Since I've specified which type of peas I want, I'm going to eat them, so why not just put them on the plate?

I can't stand restaurants that "plate up" the food to make it look like an entry for the Turner Prize, rather than a meal that you are supposed to eat.

See the example below:-

 

[Bletchleyite]

I suspect, like my chips, it's a way of giving you a smaller portion without making it obvious.

Ramekins are mostly for ease of microwaving beans or peas. I don't know why they'd be in a metal saucepan, by contrast.

 

[ABB125]

Can we ban any show whose title starts "..The Masked....."

How about "the masked passengers on board my train in Germany"?
Upon arrival in Aachen, the guard came through and made sure that everyone had a mask. Compliance is basically 100% although the half dozen people in the coach probably aren't a particularly good population sample!

 

[duncanp]

How about "the masked passengers on board my train in Germany"?
Upon arrival in Aachen, the guard came through and made sure that everyone had a mask. Compliance is basically 100% although the half dozen people in the coach probably aren't a particularly good population sample!

I hope no-one produces face coverings as a souvenir of the coronation in May.

That is something that definitely needs to be banned - don't even think about it.

 

[Jamesrob637]

How about "the masked passengers on board my train in Germany"?
Upon arrival in Aachen, the guard came through and made sure that everyone had a mask. Compliance is basically 100% although the half dozen people in the coach probably aren't a particularly good population sample!

It's going in a fortnight though thank God.

 

[ABB125]

It's going in a fortnight though thank God.

Unfortunately I'm here now, not in two weeks' time!

 

[Bletchleyite]

It's going in a fortnight though thank God.

Is Germany removing masking? Good, I've fancied going back there for a while, but I'm not doing it if I have to sit with a mask on for hours.

 

[PeterY]

"we'll be calling at... London Paddington... and... London Paddington... only"

Very irritating. But not as irritating as the long gap between "welcome aboard...", "we will be calling at..." and "the next stop is...". About 5 or 6 seconds between each; you think the announcement is done, then it carries on! Followed by the interminable "this is a security message: if you see something etc"

All should be banned

On the PIS at Hemel Hempstead. Next train to London Euston is via Watford Junction. Is there another way???

Similarly when having fish and chips in a pub, and the mushy peas come in a tiny little saucepan. Since I've specified which type of peas I want, I'm going to eat them, so why not just put them on the plate?

Creates more washing up, in a little bowl.

 

[Bletchleyite]

Creates more washing up, in a little bowl.

As mentioned above they're normally preportioned in a ramekin ready for going in the microwave, but a metal bowl is strange.

 

[Steddenm]

There used to be a restaurant at Exeter M5 Services where you got your breakfast served in a frying pan, the beans came in a small saucepan and your toast on a piece of slate. Not sure if it's still there.

 

[yorksrob]

Can we ban any show whose title starts "..The Masked....."

All those people working themselves up into a frenzy over "..who is Fish & Chip cone?..", should go and get a life.

I shouldn't be surprised if we don't get "The Masked Baker", "The Masked Potter", "The Masked Chef" or "The Masked Sewer" soon, as TV producers carry on flogging a dead horse rather than coming up with something original.

I call them collectively "The masked barrel scraper".

 

[py_megapixel]

I can't stand restaurants that "plate up" the food to make it look like an entry for the Turner Prize, rather than a meal that you are supposed to eat.

See the example below:-

That barely counts as a meal in my book... it looks like the remnants of someone else's meal which someone has accidentally spilled some sauce over.

I suspect, like my chips, it's a way of giving you a smaller portion without making it obvious.

Probably so. Similarly, I've seen chips served in a flowerpot before.

 

[Strat-tastic]

On the subject of pauses in announcements the game shows where they say "and the winner is......" with a long pause. Just get on with it the daft pause adds nothing bar irritation.

I'm with you on that one.

 

[D821]

There used to be (and still might be) a Facebook group called "We want plates" that used to collect photos of food served in / on pretentious objects. Worth a look if you're on FB.

 

[Jimini]

There used to be (and still might be) a Facebook group called "We want plates" that used to collect photos of food served in / on pretentious objects. Worth a look if you're on FB.

Crikey, I'd forgotten about that! Chips in mini shopping trolleys and all that jazz

 

[duncanp]

Crikey, I'd forgotten about that! Chips in mini shopping trolleys and all that jazz

There is actually a website http://wewantplates.com/ with pictures of some of the worst offenders.

My favourite is pulled pork, bacon, beans and mash in a tall glass usually used for serving ice cream sundaes.

Closely followed by apple crumble in a coffee cup.

Who on earth thought that was a good idea?

 

[Mcr Warrior]

My favourite is pulled pork, bacon, beans and mash in a tall glass usually used for serving ice cream sundaes.

Closely followed by apple crumble in a coffee cup.

Who on earth thought that was a good idea?

Restaurant owner with a kitchen short of clean crockery?

 

[duncanp]

Restaurant owner with a kitchen short of clean crockery?

....who wanted to save on portion sizes (without reducing the price) because the coffee cup is smaller than the plate that would usually be used for apple crumble.

Presumably if the restaurant is using the coffee cups to serve the desserts, then if you want a cup of coffee after dinner you get a soup plate and a straw.

 

[gabrielhj07]

I'm sure it's been mentioned in this thread before, but the horrific & rather corporate phrase 'going forward' should be done away with. As well as Powerpoint.

 

[ABB125]

I'm sure it's been mentioned in this thread before, but the horrific & rather corporate phrase 'going forward' should be done away with. As well as Powerpoint.

Going forward, I think this is a great idea. (Illustrated by a PowerPoint slide with a picture of two unnaturally happy people shaking hands.)

 

[gabrielhj07]

I was inspired to suggest it while watching this fantastic meeting.

 

[py_megapixel]

I'm sure it's been mentioned in this thread before, but the horrific & rather corporate phrase 'going forward' should be done away with. As well as Powerpoint.

And the even more irritating "at this time". (We have a perfectly good single word for "at this time" - "currently" or indeed "now").

Also, FAQ entries which are worded like this:

Why can't I order on the website and collect in store?
Unfortunately it is not possible for you to order on the website and collect in store. Please order for delivery to your home address, or visit your local store to see what they have in stock.

In other words - not answering the question in the slightest, and just repeating what the customer must already have known in order to ask the question in the first place. It's almost always a "why" question that suffers from this. If a business wishes not to publish a reason for its business decisions, that's fine by me, but it shouldn't try to pretend it is doing so.

 

[DelayRepay]

Those surveys from companies that you get after completing the most mundane tasks like buying a coffee from Costa or renewing your mobile phone contract. I get that companies need to collect feedback. I generally ignore them (unless the member of staff was especially helpful). They must be important though because they chase you.

The strangest question is 'how likely are you to recommend [electricity company/insurance company/etc] to a friend. I don't think I've ever recommended an electricity company to a friend - it's not the kind of thing we talk about!

 

[gg1]

I'm sure it's been mentioned in this thread before, but the horrific & rather corporate phrase 'going forward' should be done away with.

That's on my radar, I suggest we touch base at close of play and run that up the flagpole.

If we get our ducks in a row and don't drop the ball it could be a win-win.

 

[birchesgreen]

That's on my radar, I suggest we touch base at close of play and run that up the flagpole.

If we get our ducks in a row and don't drop the ball it could be a win-win.

Lets imagineer a narrative.