Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[Bletchleyite]

And the even more irritating "at this time". (We have a perfectly good single word for "at this time" - "currently" or indeed "now").

Also, FAQ entries which are worded like this:

Why can't I order on the website and collect in store?
Unfortunately it is not possible for you to order on the website and collect in store. Please order for delivery to your home address, or visit your local store to see what they have in stock.

In other words - not answering the question in the slightest, and just repeating what the customer must already have known in order to ask the question in the first place. It's almost always a "why" question that suffers from this. If a business wishes not to publish a reason for its business decisions, that's fine by me, but it shouldn't try to pretend it is doing so.

Similarly, politicians failing to answer questions in Parliament (it's annoying elsewhere too but hard to regulate). A failure to provide, to the best of their ability, an honest and full answer to a question asked in Parliament should be considered contempt of Parliament and a criminal offence, with only a few exceptions on the basis of national security and commercial confidence which should need to be recorded in Hansard for audit purposes. If unable, there should be an agreement made for the answer to be obtained and provided (and recorded in Hansard for public record) after the session.

It seems that answering a totally different question than the one asked as it suits has become the norm, and it's disgusting. Even "no comment" would be preferable.

 

[yorksrob]

I can't stand restaurants that "plate up" the food to make it look like an entry for the Turner Prize, rather than a meal that you are supposed to eat.

See the example below:-

That had better be a starter !

 

[duncanp]

That had better be a starter !

I wouldn't bet on it.

It is rather like these so called "tasting menus", where they seem to get the price of the food and the size of the course the wrong way round. (ie. the portion size is tiny and the price of the item is really expensive)

 

[gabrielhj07]

Lets imagineer a narrative.

Stuart Pearson is that you?

 

[yorksrob]

I wouldn't bet on it.

It is rather like these so called "tasting menus", where they seem to get the price of the food and the size of the course the wrong way round. (ie. the portion size is tiny and the price of the item is really expensive)

I must admit, I don't do nouvelle cuisine

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Similarly when having fish and chips in a pub, and the mushy peas come in a tiny little saucepan. Since I've specified which type of peas I want, I'm going to eat them, so why not just put them on the plate?

Personally, I'd ban fish & chips from being served in a sit-down restaurant or pub. Fish & chips is a take-away food that should only be sold at a Fish & Chip Shop.

It should also be served wrapped in paper, none of this polystyrene tray malarkey.

 

[jfollows]

It should also be served wrapped in paper, none of this polystyrene tray malarkey.

To be banned from October 2023, I believe (the use of single-use plastic in packaging food, that is, which will include the horrible tray things used by many for fish & chips I believe).
Apparently paper is more expensive, and presumably these days there's not enough old newspaper to fill the gap, or is that illegal for a completely different reason anyway?

 

[61653 HTAFC]

To be banned from October 2023, I believe (the use of single-use plastic in packaging food, that is, which will include the horrible tray things used by many for fish & chips I believe).
Apparently paper is more expensive, and presumably these days there's not enough old newspaper to fill the gap, or is that illegal for a completely different reason anyway?

I can't remember the last time I had fish & chips that came in actual old newspaper rather than plain. No idea if that's because it's been made illegal or because it's no longer as easy or cheap to get hold of.

 

[birchesgreen]

I can't remember the last time I had fish & chips that came in actual old newspaper rather than plain. No idea if that's because it's been made illegal or because it's no longer as easy or cheap to get hold of.

Fewer newsprint around. I moved my model bench last night, one problem i had was a lack of newspaper to cover the new bench as not bought a paper for years. I ended up using xmas wrapping paper.

 

[D6968]

Lets imagineer a narrative.

And think outside the box, maybe blue sky it?

I can't remember the last time I had fish & chips that came in actual old newspaper rather than plain. No idea if that's because it's been made illegal or because it's no longer as easy or cheap to get hold of.

There used to be a chippy in Wigan, (think it was on Frog Lane) that would wrap the first layer in plain white paper then the outer layer in newspaper.
This was I 2002 though, it may not be there, I seem to recall it being run by 2 old dears you could see their front room through a door on the side!

 

[A Challenge]

I can't remember the last time I had fish & chips that came in actual old newspaper rather than plain. No idea if that's because it's been made illegal or because it's no longer as easy or cheap to get hold of.

Could it be something to do with food hygiene, as newsprint does come off rather easily?

 

[Bletchleyite]

Could it be something to do with food hygiene, as newsprint does come off rather easily?

It is about food hygiene, yes.

 

[jfollows]

It is about food hygiene, yes.

Food Safety Act 1990 I have since seen mentioned, although the ban may have been in earlier legislation too.

 

[ABB125]

Inconsistent plurality. For example, this notice on 801224:

 

[stuartl]

And think outside the box, maybe blue sky it?


There used to be a chippy in Wigan, (think it was on Frog Lane) that would wrap the first layer in plain white paper then the outer layer in newspaper.
This was I 2002 though, it may not be there, I seem to recall it being run by 2 old dears you could see their front room through a door on the side!

The plain white paper was 'white news', i.e. newspaper that hadn't been printed on. That's what we used in our chippy in the 1970's. Came from the roll end left over at the end of a print run AFAIK.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Could it be something to do with food hygiene, as newsprint does come off rather easily?

I don't think the printed paper was ever used in direct contact with the food anyway, at least not since the weird days of the 1970s.

 

[stuartl]

I don't think the printed paper was ever used in direct contact with the food anyway, at least not since the weird days of the 1970s.

In those days food would usually be put in a greaseproof paper 'bag' then wrapped in white news, and finally in printed newspaper to keep it warm until you got home. If eating straight away the printed paper would be folded into a pad, with the white news and bag on top, to give a bit of protection from the hot food.

 

[swt_passenger]

In those days food would usually be put in a greaseproof paper 'bag' then wrapped in white news, and finally in printed newspaper to keep it warm until you got home. If eating straight away the printed paper would be folded into a pad, with the white news and bag on top, to give a bit of protection from the hot food.

I remember a small grease proof bag for the chips, but invariably the portion of chips was about 3x the bag size? What was that all about?

 

[xotGD]

I would like to ban motorists who either don't know or don't care that pedestrians now have right of way to cross when they are turning into a side street.

This appears to include around 50% of drivers from my road crossing experience.

 

[DelayRepay]

Fewer newsprint around. I moved my model bench last night, one problem i had was a lack of newspaper to cover the new bench as not bought a paper for years. I ended up using xmas wrapping paper.

Should have gone for a day out on the trains and collected up all the abandoned Metros!

Personally, I'd ban fish & chips from being served in a sit-down restaurant or pub. Fish & chips is a take-away food that should only be sold at a Fish & Chip Shop.

Please don't! Fish and chips is often my choice when I eat in the local pub (and they cook it properly including making the chips from potatoes - none of this French Fries rubbish!).

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Please don't! Fish and chips is often my choice when I eat in the local pub (and they cook it properly including making the chips from potatoes - none of this French Fries rubbish!).

As with all bans in this thread, it isn't real... but something about fish & chips in a restaurant or pub has always felt "wrong" to me... a bit like going to the Fat Duck and ordering Donner on Naan!

Thin "French fries" with fish and chips I agree is a far greater crime- hanging is too good for people who do that!

 

[duncanp]

Inconsistent plurality. For example, this notice on 801224:
View attachment 127392

This is bad grammar, as the subject of the sentence is the storage space, which is singular.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

I'd like to ban whoever designed these floor stickers seen at Dewsbury District Hospital:

The arrow should point left and forwards in the direction of travel, not left and backwards!

 

[birchesgreen]

As with all bans in this thread, it isn't real... but something about fish & chips in a restaurant or pub has always felt "wrong" to me... a bit like going to the Fat Duck and ordering Donner on Naan!

Thin "French fries" with fish and chips I agree is a far greater crime- hanging is too good for people who do that!

Fat Duck? Ooh lardy dar, there is a posh lad in the chat!

Imagine though a Heston doner kebab, it'll probably be made from hummingbirds and graphene.

 

[Mcr Warrior]

May I nominate drivers waiting at traffic lights showing red, this at junctions on busy two lane dual carriageways, who don't indicate that they intend to turn right, until after the lights have just changed to green? Invariably results in the vehicles queuing just behind, wanting to travel straight ahead, impatiently pulling out into lane one.

 

[nw1]

I would like to ban motorists who either don't know or don't care that pedestrians now have right of way to cross when they are turning into a side street.

This appears to include around 50% of drivers from my road crossing experience.

The dreaded "corner turners". Yes, I agree!

I'd like to ban something currently legal in the USA, namely that "corner turners" can legally drive across an actual pedestrian crossing when "Walk" is showing! Meanwhile, "jaywalking" is illegal, I sense the priorities are all wrong...

 

[Bletchleyite]

I'd like to ban something currently legal in the USA, namely that "corner turners" can legally drive into a pedestrian using an actual pedestrian crossing when "Walk" is showing! Meanwhile, "jaywalking" is illegal, I sense the priorities are all wrong...

Umm, aren't they meant to treat it as per a zebra, like countries like Germany where turning on a green means the road you're turning into will have people crossing?

 

[nw1]

Umm, aren't they meant to treat it as per a zebra, like countries like Germany where turning on a green means the road you're turning into will have people crossing?

I'm not sure but it's based on my experience in the USA, corner-turning cars (and only corner-turners, not straight-through traffic) were crossing pedestrian crossings when people were walking across on a "Walk" signal.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Bus drivers for cowboy operators (Station Coaches of Batley, for those interested) who when asked if they go straight down the main road or round the houses, just lie. Also being dressed like someone who sits outside the bus station asking people for a tab, and subjecting your passengers to Kajagoogoo's greatest hits.

 

[43096]

Also being dressed like someone who sits outside the bus station asking people for a tab, and subjecting your passengers to Kajagoogoo's greatest hits.

They’re not too shy about their choice of music, then?