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Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

py_megapixel

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5 Nov 2018
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Not quite a ban, but I would require anyone wishing to purchase a vehicle bigger than a large-ish 5-door family car - let's say a Ford Mondeo - to apply for a permit and provide a reason that they need it, to be reviewed at every MOT. It would thus effectively be a ban on people buying huge Sports "Utility" Vehicles and then using them to transport only one or two people.

I would also ban car manufacturers from advertising their prices only in terms of cost 'per month' on their finance deal.
 
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trebor79

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8 Mar 2018
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I'd ban:
Use of the word "store" instead of "shop".
Use of the word "regular" instead of "normal", "medium" or "standard"
Automatic PIS announcements (or at least have them cut down to the bear minimum "This is <station>".
 

dgl

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I would ban ink cartridges. From now on, all inkjet printers must be sold with refillable reservoirs and must not discriminate based upon brand of ink (no more "Please insert genuine Epson cartridges" messages!)
I have a current Brother colour laser all in one that has dumb cartridges!, it uses a mechanical means of estimating toner life and there is a hidden reset menu which I know works because the last black cartridge properly ran out.
And despite the manual saying otherwise the largest 9K cartridges do work and a full set of compatible cartridges can be had on eBay for ~£40.

Absolutely brilliant device, even more so because with a £100 manufacturers rebate and a 5%? eBay voucher I only paid £143 which given the rrp is currently over £400 quite the steal.
 
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The Canny Toon
Referring to anyone objectionable or abusive on social media as a troll. Trolls are completely different: they seek to stir up discord on social media by the timely voicing of (faked) controversial views.

Incorrect use of the term staycation, which means a holiday enjoyed from one's home, not going away in the UK. But it shouldn't' really be used in either sense.
 

Techniquest

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People who arrange their books by the colour of the spine.

Do people actually do that?! o_O

I've mentioned this before elsewhere, but I'd ban companies (specifically transport companies) from using Twitter as their only method of communication and customer service. Not only do I not want to have to sign up to Twitter in order to be able to make any enquiries... but if I do, I don't want my query about why my bus hasn't turned up to get buried under tweets asking if someone's "favourite" vehicle is out today. :rolleyes:

If it is the only method of communication, then absolutely agreed. I stopped using Twitter last summer, I popped on briefly a couple of weeks ago to help promote someone's Land's End to John O' Groats charity walk, and I use it a bit to communicate certain bits and bobs with a good friend (photo sharing usually), but that's it. I met the walker doing that charity walk by chance in my local area on a local ride, she was (possibly still is, need to find out) raising money for 5 childrens' charities, so I felt it most worthwhile popping on to help spread the word.

Facebook and Instagram can go do one though, two very toxic social media platforms and I'm a much happier person for not being on them. It actually helped deal with over-thinking, a problem I'd had for ages. Still happens occasionally, but not on the level it used to.

I would also agree with you on the favourite vehicle thing, but I have actually used Twitter quite a bit for that sort of thing in the distant past...
 

tbtc

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Do any of them using Twitter as their only method though?
The way I've seen it used is that it is usually given as option to give quicker responses than what the regular customer services team would be able to give, but it doesn't replace the other ways of contacting that customer services team (which is usually via email, phone or by a contact form on the website).

Twitter is a great way of communicating to lots of people at once with information that is relevant to large numbers of people - one tweet can reach thousands of people, rather than sending an equivalent number of emails or handling that number of telephone calls - I can see why companies find it much easier/ better than other means of communication

That's not to say it should be the only method, but I don't think it is ever the only method (just that some companies try to encourage people to go down that route as a first preference)

The problem with public transport enquiries on Twitter is more to do with the wait that companies have centralised teams to deal with enquiries (which means that they can't help as easily with questions about diversions, they just have a standard script) and the kind of people who jump in on conversations to give your their opinion of things, giving out what they think is helpful information but can be a problem since the company isn't going to honour any decision made because some stranger barged into an enquiry (whereas, if you did make a decision based on a company's Twitter account then you'd have grounds for compensation if things didn't pan out)

Referring to anyone objectionable or abusive on social media as a troll. Trolls are completely different: they seek to stir up discord on social media by the timely voicing of (faked) controversial views.

Incorrect use of the term staycation, which means a holiday enjoyed from one's home, not going away in the UK. But it shouldn't' really be used in either sense.

Agreed on both points - "trolling" is an art form sometimes, the way that people carefully distract/ disingenuously move the conversation on/ bring up some irrelevant details... rather than the pretty blunt abuse that some people go in for on social media (yet get called "trolls")

I don't like the word "staycation" either, but surely if it means anything it means "days out from home" - including every holiday that doesn't require a passport is daft (and pretty insulting to people who can't afford continental travel each year)

People who arrange their books by the colour of the spine.

Do people actually do that?! o_O

A depressing number of people seem to, if Zoom is anything to go by - bookcases become a colour co-ordinated fashion statement rather than a practical library (where you store similar books together so that you can find them easily)
 

SteveM70

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11 Jul 2018
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I would also ban car manufacturers from advertising their prices only in terms of cost 'per month' on their finance deal.

And shops (PC World and some of the furniture shops) having adverts where stuff costing the thick end of a grand is described as “just eight nine nine”
 

birchesgreen

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I arrange my books my weight, heaviest on the lower shelves so the bookcase won't topple over and i get killed by an avalanche of books about diesel locomotives.
 

Gloster

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Up the creek
I have my books sorted by genre, subject or author, but with some odd combinations in order to make full use of the many plastic crates they are stored in. I also have them stacked on just about every flat surface in the house. The only room they haven’t spread to yet is the bathroom; I have even started putting them in odd places in the kitchen. I am currently buying a larger house.
 

birchesgreen

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I have my books sorted by genre, subject or author, but with some odd combinations in order to make full use of the many plastic crates they are stored in. I also have them stacked on just about every flat surface in the house. The only room they haven’t spread to yet is the bathroom; I have even started putting them in odd places in the kitchen. I am currently buying a larger house.
My house is like this, most rooms have at least one bookcase. I need some more though...
 

ChiefPlanner

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My house is like this, most rooms have at least one bookcase. I need some more though...

We converted the garage into study no 2 , bought no less than 2 new sheds. Chucked out a load of magazines for recycling (mostly "Rail") - have now started to run out of space again.

The ideal solution is to buy a cheap terrace house in South Wales and use that as a book store. That is over 200 miles away alas.
 

Busaholic

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No, it is a bit of fun. I just have too many. People ask if I have read them all. Fortunately I have not.
Most asked question of the owner of a bookshop, surrounded by thousands of volumes, 'have you read them all?' Being a mostly patient and long-suffering individual I rarely gave an explicitly rude answer, but occasionally I might utter 'all except the one' or somesuch. Then you'd get asked to identify the one. <(
 

XAM2175

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Glasgow
I would ban ink cartridges. From now on, all inkjet printers must be sold with refillable reservoirs and must not discriminate based upon brand of ink (no more "Please insert genuine Epson cartridges" messages!)
My beige beauty of an IBM dot-matrix printer performs no checks on the ribbon cartridge whatsoever! It will happily print away without one even being fitted, let alone one that's exhausted or non-genuine. No drama at all :E
 

LSWR Cavalier

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I have too many books, not fully sorted. Indeed I do sometimes find myself looking for one by colour, I recall maybe that it is a bluish small paperback. But often the spine is another colour.

I always look at the impressum, edition history. Having too many books is even more harmless than trainspotting.

As for reading them all: some I have read several times, many I have not read yet. At least a dozen, I am reading now.
 

ChiefPlanner

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Most asked question of the owner of a bookshop, surrounded by thousands of volumes, 'have you read them all?' Being a mostly patient and long-suffering individual I rarely gave an explicitly rude answer, but occasionally I might utter 'all except the one' or somesuch. Then you'd get asked to identify the one. <(

Who was the character in one of Camus's books who decided the way to develop his all embracing knowledge was to methodically read the entire contents of the local library - but got not much further than "D" .....?
 

ABB125

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People who 'fill out' a form. As far as I know you can only fill in or fill anything.
It's a quirk of English (possibly the only language with this feature) where in certain circumstances opposite words can mean the same thing.
The house burnt up, the house burned down.*
I filled in the form, then filled it out again.
(Those are the only two examples I can think of, bit there are probably more.)

*I'm not sure why, but I think "up" goes much better with "burnt", whereas "down" goes with "burned". Do I now come under the "grammar pedant" banner mentioned upthread? :D
But where do you put the maps?
On the dedicated map shelf?
Then you'd get asked to identify the one. <(
Well go on then, spill the beanz*! :D

*Heinz, of course
 
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Busaholic

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Well go on then, spill the beanz*! :D

*Heinz, of course
The last person who asked me this before the shop closed upon my retirement got told 'the only book I haven't read is that one right by the counter entitled 'The stupidest things ever uttered in bookshops, vol 1' because I don't need to read it!' :D True,in the sense that is what I said; can't remember the actual title of the book, but a second volume did come out. I don't believe ANY of the people who asked me that question ever purchased a single item, it was for them a way to hide their embarassment in walking out purchaseless.
 

Ianno87

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It's a quick of English (possibly the only language with this feature) where in certain circumstances opposite words can mean the same thing.
The house burnt up, the house burned down.*
I filled in the form, then filled it out again.
(Those are the only two examples I can think of, bit there are probably more.)

*I'm not sure why, but I think "up" goes much better with "burnt", whereas "down" goes with "burned". Do I now come under the "grammar pedant" banner mentioned upthread?

We also get on a train, rather than get in a train as most other languages do.
 

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