Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[duncanp]

I would ban supermarkets from moving items from one aisle to another without consulting people first, and then giving at least two weeks notice.

It's annoying when you go to the aisle where the baked beans used to be and find they are not there anymore.

On top of that, there is no information about where you can now find the baked beans.

 

[Mcr Warrior]

I would ban supermarkets from moving items from one aisle to another without consulting people first, and then giving at least two weeks notice.

It's annoying when you go to the aisle where the baked beans used to be and find they are not there anymore.

Isn't this supposely a tactic adopted by certain supermarkets to make shoppers wander around their stores more, possibly in an attempt to get them to make impulse buys?

Similarly, any supermarket having the bread aisle a long way from the store's entrance/exit.

 

[duncanp]

Isn't this supposely a tactic adopted by certain supermarkets to make shoppers wander around their stores more, possibly in an attempt to get them to make impulse buys?

Similarly having the bread aisle a long way from the store's entrance/exit.

Yes it is a marketing tactic.

Funny how the fresh fruit and vegetables are always near the entrance, but the booze is usually as far away as possible from the entrance.

 

[gg1]

Funny how the fresh fruit and vegetables are always near the entrance, but the booze is usually as far away as possible from the entrance.

That annoys me, most easily damaged items are near the entrance, while the heaviest items (soft drinks as well as booze) most likely to damage them are at the end.

When I do a big monthly shop I basically have two options:

1. Take the empty trolley to the far end of the store then work backwards until I put the fruit and veg on top of everything, then have to push the full trolley down a number aisles to reach the tills (for some reason supermarkets are frequently designed so it's not possibly to go direct from veg to tills - another annoyance)
2. Do veg first and fill the trolley up in the order the aisles are laid out, when I get to the drinks I then have to partially unload the trolley to clear space for the heavy stuff, before putting the light stuff back in.

 

[GusB]

Even worse that that; the inevitable cable detritus gathered over the years, stuffed into a drawer without thought until you realise the drawer's full and you pull out a solid spaghetti monster of USB cables, unused dongles, US/Canadian power leads that were never needed to begin with, audio cables, MIDI cables, speaker wire, ethernet cables with broken boots and server fibre leads.

I don't know how you'd ban it but it needs banning.

That'll be the "man drawer". I saw a comedy routine discussing it a few years ago (I think it might have been Michael McIntyre) and it reminded me of a drawer we used to have in the kitchen which contained all manner of cables, bulbs, fuses and batteries, etc. It used to drive my mother barmy.

I got so fed up with my own cable spaghetti that I actually went through it all and tidied it up. I've still never found a use for the serial and parallel printer cables that "might come in handy one day"!

 

[bspahh]

Yes it is a marketing tactic.

Funny how the fresh fruit and vegetables are always near the entrance, but the booze is usually as far away as possible from the entrance.

I think you'll find that is caused by the relative rates of theft by alcoholics and fruitoholics

 

[Gloster]

I believe that there is also a law, or maybe it is only a local Isle of Wight bye-law, that alcohol must not be displayed within a certain distance of the entrance. When there was an Isle of Wight Festival a few years ago and not long after the local mini-Tesco had opened, I saw the manager measuring distances so they knew where to stack the tins of beer for the festival-goers. The large Morrison’s nearby has the alcohol aisles (two half-aisles) near the entrance, but it has swing-gates that are supposed to make it entry only.

 

[Cowley]

Christmas decoration lights are worse. And the box you chucked them in the previous January is inevitably full of spiders as well.

Oh no, Christmas lights. Absolute nightmare.

 

[HST274]

Christmas decoration lights are worse. And the box you chucked them in the previous January is inevitably full of spiders as well.

I would ban placing decorations in the same place every year and still managing to forget where they are by the time it comes round to it. (Not sure what exactly I would ban there but the point stands).

 

[Strat-tastic]

I would ban supermarkets from moving items from one aisle to another without consulting people first, and then giving at least two weeks notice.

It's annoying when you go to the aisle where the baked beans used to be and find they are not there anymore.

On top of that, there is no information about where you can now find the baked beans.

Yes!

I am so organised that I have a pro forma shopping list mirroring the layout of my local store, with commonly used items in their places on the list, and a nice tick box next to them.
Guess what happens when I print a new batch of shopping lists? Yes, they do their shuffle!

100 lines: I will respect my customers and quit using headology on them.

 

[py_megapixel]

I would ban supermarkets from moving items from one aisle to another without consulting people first, and then giving at least two weeks notice.

It's annoying when you go to the aisle where the baked beans used to be and find they are not there anymore.

On top of that, there is no information about where you can now find the baked beans.

Yes!

I am so organised that I have a pro forma shopping list mirroring the layout of my local store, with commonly used items in their places on the list, and a nice tick box next to them.
Guess what happens when I print a new batch of shopping lists? Yes, they do their shuffle!

100 lines: I will respect my customers and quit using headology on them.

By far the worst for this are Sainsbury's. Why? Well, they seem to have a habit of going a step further than randomly rearranging products: they move products without changing the signs above the aisles. So you have no chance at finding them.

In fact, as I alluded to in a previous post, can I ban Sainsbury's altogether? They just seem to be a slightly more expensive version of Tesco, but with a worse range of products.

 

[yorksrob]

I would ban any advert commencing:

"Elon Musk does this......",
"This is how Elon Musk...." etc.

I couldn't give a toss what the guy does.

 

[gg1]

By far the worst for this are Sainsbury's. Why? Well, they seem to have a habit of going a step further than randomly rearranging products: they move products without changing the signs above the aisles. So you have no chance at finding them.

My local Morrisons do that too, the signs get changed eventually but can be a few months before they get around to it.

 

[MotCO]

My local Morrisons do that too, the signs get changed eventually but can be a few months before they get around to it.

Just in time for the next change?

 

[birchesgreen]

I would ban any advert commencing:

"Elon Musk does this......",
"This is how Elon Musk...." etc.

I couldn't give a toss what the guy does.

I'd ban his rabid fan boyz who pounce on any criticism of their god online.

 

[Bald Rick]

That annoys me, most easily damaged items are near the entrance, while the heaviest items (soft drinks as well as booze) most likely to damage them are at the end.

When I do a big monthly shop I basically have two options:

1. Take the empty trolley to the far end of the store then work backwards until I put the fruit and veg on top of everything, then have to push the full trolley down a number aisles to reach the tills (for some reason supermarkets are frequently designed so it's not possibly to go direct from veg to tills - another annoyance)
2. Do veg first and fill the trolley up in the order the aisles are laid out, when I get to the drinks I then have to partially unload the trolley to clear space for the heavy stuff, before putting the light stuff back in.

3. Do the fruit and veg first and put it in the front section of the trolley that is partioned for thst purpose.

 

[duncanp]

Just in time for the next change?

Talking of supermarkets, I would ban people from unloading their shopping on the conveyor belt, deciding they have forgotten something really essential, and then expecting everyone else in the queue to wait whilst they, or a staff member, goes off to get whatever the item is.

We are supposed to just stand there smiling at them, when all you want to do is give them a piece of your mind.

If you have forgotten something, tough ****.

 

[yorksrob]

I'd ban his rabid fan boyz who pounce on any criticism of their god online.

Fortunately I've not been subjected to that yet

 

[xotGD]

Oh no, Christmas lights. Absolute nightmare.

I want to ban those folk who festoon their houses in a ridiculous number of Christmas lights.

I would also ban the local news from featuring these houses on their bulletins.

 

[Busaholic]

Hair. More specifically that which sprouts where I don’t want it such as ears and nostrils now that my head hair is getting thinner on top. Oh the joy of being a sexagenarian!

I'll donate you some of mine, given it grows quicker than ever in my 70s! Nostril hair is unattractive, but my ears have never sprouted the stuff, I'm happy to say.

 

[bearhugger]

I would ban any advert commencing:

"Elon Musk does this......",
"This is how Elon Musk...." etc.

I couldn't give a toss what the guy does.

I don't think I've seen those adverts but yes, my thought would be along the lines of "Who gives a Musk?"!

 

[birchesgreen]

Fortunately I've not been subjected to that yet

There were some i saw yesterday. Someone posted a video of a Tesla self driving car test and the car had to be corrected several times to stop mowing pedestrians down.

Some of the replies were like "Its a beta test!" and "Drivers kill pedestrians all the time", so thats ok then.

 

[61653 HTAFC]

Tangled up extension leads and hosepipes!

I'd generally advise that you don't store those two things together, then the cable fairies can't tangle them up during the night!

I don't think I've seen those adverts but yes, my thought would be along the lines of "Who gives a Musk?"!

They crop up on this very site quite frequently. Whatever keeps the lights on I suppose...

There were some i saw yesterday. Someone posted a video of a Tesla self driving car test and the car had to be corrected several times to stop mowing pedestrians down.

Some of the replies were like "Its a beta test!" and "Drivers kill pedestrians all the time", so thats ok then.

It'd just be easier and quicker to ban Musk himself!

 

[yorksrob]

It'd just be easier and quicker to ban Musk himself!

He sounds more like a fragrance than a magnate.

 

[HST274]

He sounds more like a fragrance than a magnate.

Elon's musk, a cherry fragrance for billionaires, buy now with bitcoin

 

[61653 HTAFC]

He sounds more like a fragrance than a magnate.

Which is ironic, as most of his products and proclamations don't pass the smell test!

 

[Gareth]

Saying "you and I" in situations where the correct lexicon is "you and me".

 

[yorksrob]

Elon's musk, a cherry fragrance for billionaires, buy now with bitcoin

Which is ironic, as most of his products and proclamations don't pass the smell test!

Quite

 

[bearhugger]

They crop up on this very site quite frequently. Whatever keeps the lights on I suppose...

I am aware that there are ads on this site and they help towards the costs, but to be honest I don't really take any notice of them. The last time an ad had an effect on me was when the wife saw an ad on TV for Cornetto and said "OOh, I just fancy one of those!" which resulted in a walk to Morrisons for me!

 

[yorksrob]

I am aware that there are ads on this site and they help towards the costs, but to be honest I don't really take any notice of them. The last time an ad had an effect on me was when the wife saw an ad on TV for Cornetto and said "OOh, I just fancy one of those!" which resulted in a walk to Morrisons for me!

"Just one Cornetto, give it to me"

Has to go down along with the Shake 'n' Vac as one of the most memorable adverts of all time !!