Living Next Door to the Neighbourhood Bully.

[Grumpus63]

I moved into a small terraced house a couple of years ago and soon learned the issues of the street!

The woman next door let it be known very quickly that my back gutter needed fixing. Then she complained that she was the only one mowing certain communal areas. I decided to help out as this didn't seem fair. I bought an electric mower and extension lead. The minute I started to cut the grass in anticipation that we would be taking turns she claimed a sudden disability and stood there chatting to other neighbours while they watched me mowing areas of grass that took two hours to address each time on my electricity. I quickly contemplated buying a T-shirt with a large picture of a mug on it.

Since then I have noticed that she takes issues with other neighbours in turn over various issues. This afternoon, two days after I had mowed all the grasslands around she decided to park her car on one of the lawns and started to wash it. She was astonished when I went out to ask whether she would be mowing it next as she was effectively watering it when she could easily do the job in her parking space.

It is the usual thing with bullies. They love to condemn others but are highly indignant when they are taken to task themselves.

Anyone else have the same "choice" neighbours?

P.S. At least she is quiet (apart from her aggressive voice!). I have lived next door to "rapper" neighbours in the past who enjoyed playing loud music until all hours. So perhaps I should keep things in perspective?

 

[LSWR Cavalier]

Are there rules or agreements abouts responsibility for communal areas?

I moved last year, neighbours are all friendly, at worst neutral.

Read a Popular Science article about neighbours, apparently most people instinctively know to keep a certain 'distance' from their neighbours.

 

[duncanp]

Do all the other residents in the street have a problem with her, or perhaps more accurately does she have a problem with the other residents in the street.

Try talking to a few of the other residents to get a bit of history.

What does this woman do for a living, and does she live on her own, and does she have any family nearby? Does she own or rent her house?

In general it is best to be assertive, but not agressive, with bullies.

Make it clear that you will do your fair share of cutting the grass, but that you will not take instructions from her about when it is your turn,, and that you are not interested in hearing her moaning about what the other neighbours do or don't do.

Regarding the guttering on your house, or any other issue to do with house maintenance, politely but firmly thank her for letting you know of the problem, but that unless it is causing damage to her house you will get it fixed when it suits you.

As far as you can, I would have as little to do with her as possible.

 

[LSWR Cavalier]

I would keep quiet, and observe the situation for a while.

 

[birchesgreen]

Then she complained that she was the only one mowing certain communal areas. I decided to help out as this didn't seem fair.

First mistake: listening to what your neighbour has to say, nothing good ever comes out of such folly.

 

[Paul Jones 88]

Years ago I had a neighbour who acted like some sort of Poundland Reggie kray, you could hear him coming from miles away with all of his Argos/market jewellery on. He would have friends round and play loud music into the early hours of the morning and if anyone complained he'd threaten them, one day he dropped dead 'dodgy ticker' much jubilation was enjoyed by all, I especially enjoyed some Scottish jubilation.

 

[Grumpus63]

Thanks for some interesting and amusing comments here.

 

[DarloRich]

First mistake is doing something you are not responsible for!

 

[Grumpus63]

First mistake is doing something you are not responsible for!

Yes, a gesture of being neighbourly was my big mistake. I am starting to ask other neighbours to use their electricity supply when mowing certain segments. It will be interesting to see what will happen when the mower packs up due to a fault or needs repair or maintenance. I may ask for them all to chip in.

 

[route101]

Don't have any problem with neighbours but one set on one side are quite loud at the weekend. Can hear every word from our bedroom.

Reminds me of work. I try and do a good job, but uncover the mistakes and sort them out. Managers and others turn a blind eye and as I'm new I may be the only one sorting things out.

 

[Grumpus63]

Don't have any problem with neighbours but one set on one side are quite loud at the weekend. Can hear every word from our bedroom.

Reminds me of work. I try and do a good job, but uncover the mistakes and sort them out. Managers and others turn a blind eye and as I'm new I may be the only one sorting things out.

Yes, it's tricky isn't it? I did mention to a couple of neighbours that I would order a tee and sweatshirts with a picture of a large MUG on them but they just looked stonily at me. In the work situation it must be even trickier because you are trying to do a good job only to find that colleagues and management were happy with the status quo before you arrived and won't welcome your well-meant attention to detail.

 

[trebor79]

A few months after moving into our current house nearly 10 years ago (crikey!) the neighbour stuck his head over the back fence whilst I was mowing the lawn.
"We don't mow the lawns in this street on a Sunday. You know, in case we have people over in the garden. You know what I mean?"
"Errrm, I'm not sure I do actually Paul. But thanks for letting me know, I'll just finish up today given it's half done now".

Made sure I always mowed it on a Sunday after that (TBF was usually the least busy day for me to fit in an hour to do it). Cheeky sod.

 

[GusB]

I'm fortunate in that I don't really have any problems with my neighbours. The only real issue I had was when I took in a parcel for the lady next door while she was out. I saw her arriving home and immediately picked up the parcel and took it out to her, but she harrumphed and muttered something about "them being told not to leave parcels with anyone". I felt like saying, "Well pardon me - I'll just let your parcel go back to the depot next time ya miserable sod!"

 

[johnnychips]

I live in a flat with thick concrete walls and have no idea who my neighbours are up, down, left and right and that’s the way it should be!

 

[Grumpus63]

I live in a flat with thick concrete walls and have no idea who my neighbours are up, down, left and right and that’s the way it should be!

I want one!

A few months after moving into our current house nearly 10 years ago (crikey!) the neighbour stuck his head over the back fence whilst I was mowing the lawn.
"We don't mow the lawns in this street on a Sunday. You know, in case we have people over in the garden. You know what I mean?"
"Errrm, I'm not sure I do actually Paul. But thanks for letting me know, I'll just finish up today given it's half done now".

Made sure I always mowed it on a Sunday after that (TBF was usually the least busy day for me to fit in an hour to do it). Cheeky sod.

What a nerve!!!

I'm fortunate in that I don't really have any problems with my neighbours. The only real issue I had was when I took in a parcel for the lady next door while she was out. I saw her arriving home and immediately picked up the parcel and took it out to her, but she harrumphed and muttered something about "them being told not to leave parcels with anyone". I felt like saying, "Well pardon me - I'll just let your parcel go back to the depot next time ya miserable sod!"

I would have said "no, your idea is the right one. I'll make sure that I also adopt the same policy as you; after all, we never know who we are living next to as I have just found out!"

 

[WelshBluebird]

I'm fortunate in that I don't really have any problems with my neighbours. The only real issue I had was when I took in a parcel for the lady next door while she was out. I saw her arriving home and immediately picked up the parcel and took it out to her, but she harrumphed and muttered something about "them being told not to leave parcels with anyone". I felt like saying, "Well pardon me - I'll just let your parcel go back to the depot next time ya miserable sod!"

To be fair she could well have had issues getting parcels from other neighbours in the past and so informed the couriers / RM not to leave with a neighbour. Certainly that would explain the mood (ie. it wasn't at you - it was at whoever delivered the parcel).
Certainly I've had issues before where getting hold of certain neighbours after they had taken in a parcel for me was incredibly difficult and so I'd have much rathered it go back to the depot for me to sort it out!

 

[PeterC]

To be fair she could well have had issues getting parcels from other neighbours in the past and so informed the couriers / RM not to leave with a neighbour. Certainly that would explain the mood (ie. it wasn't at you - it was at whoever delivered the parcel).
Certainly I've had issues before where getting hold of certain neighbours after they had taken in a parcel for me was incredibly difficult and so I'd have much rathered it go back to the depot for me to sort it out!

I have had a parcel left with a neighbour, no card. Log in, find and email saying "delivered", follow the track and trace link and it gives me a surname for deliver. The last time I called a neighbour Mr or Mrs was when I was 18 and with those neighbours whose names I know it is forenames only.

Some years ago we did have a guy who made a point of using any parking space except the one allocated for his property. Luckily he was on a short term rental and was gone in 6 months.

 

[MotCO]

Made sure I always mowed it on a Sunday after that (TBF was usually the least busy day for me to fit in an hour to do it). Cheeky sod.

And to be honest, sometimes it would be wet on Saturday, so Sunday would be the only dayI could cut the grass when I was at work.

 

[LSWR Cavalier]

I think there is something to be said for not mowing the lawn on Sundays. Especially if you are retired, a small price for good relations.

 

[trebor79]

I think there is something to be said for not mowing the lawn on Sundays. Especially if you are retired, a small price for good relations.

Yeah but working full time and 2 kids means I can't ordinarily do it on a Tuesday afternoon!
He never mentioned it again to be fair.

 

[SteveP29]

We recently moved out of a council stair where the woman in her 80's who bought her flat in the 80's 'controlled' the stair, she dished out orders via notes left on the front door and door into the garden.
She accused us one day of being benefit thieves and troublemakers (despite being friendly with her for over 3 years prior to that day, she even invited us in to her flat to see her new kitchen, bathroom and cats) because we could afford not to have a council flat after she asked my o/h why I didn't cut the communal grass one day when I had cut our own grass. My o/h simply stated that since there was washing on the line in the communal garden, that I didn't cut it because I didn't want to get grass cuttings and any dust thrown up by the mower going on the washing, or my sweaty head touching the washing.
She called the police on us and accused my o/h of squaring up to her, all we can think that came from is the fact that her door is at the bottom of the flight of stairs up to our flat and she had to get past her to be able to get up the stairs, which she wanted to do to just get away from the situation.
It didn't work for her as the police, once they'd heard our side of the story went back to her to tell her that she was not to put notes up on the doors any more and was in no position to demand anything from the other residents. Police advised us not to have any contact with her.

Towards the end of our stay there, we started putting our bins on the path IN OUR GARDEN, which is next to the fence for her garden, due to my o/h's increasing disability and having them at the top of the garden made it incredibly difficult for her to take the rubbish to them when they were there. She phoned the council and apparently complained about the bins for 25 minutes, saying that the bins were blocking a communal path, not sure how she gets that as the path, as I said, is in our garden. Every time she went to do anything in her garden she moved our bins onto the grass, we often just went straight out and put them back.
Eventually after 3 weeks, there was a knock on the door, 2 policemen, come to see us about the bins, how she got the police to come out for something so trivial, I will never know, I can only assume she spun a story about feeling threatened by us as she is a lonely old widow etc.
I pointed out the situation to them from the kitchen window and they went away satisfied there was nothing to say or do, I STILL got my name, date and place of birth taken though, nearly 49 and never had any problem with the police in my whole life till I met her.
Needless to say, every time she moved the bins, we moved them back and I emailed photos to the housing officer, she even proceeded to put one of her own bins on the very same path, I couldn't be fussed to phone the police to tell them to get her bin off my garden, but I did make a complaint to the council.
When we moved out, the housing office wasn't present when we handed our keys in, but we did get an email from him thanking me for all the emails, photos and phone call about her and that he would be passing all the evidence on to the antisocial behaviour team, so hopefully something gets done about her. I do intend to write to the new residents once I know the flat is occupied again, and I hope whoever moves in really are actual;ly troublemakers, it'll send her crazy.

 

[D6130]

We recently moved out of a council stair where the woman in her 80's who bought her flat in the 80's 'controlled' the stair, she dished out orders via notes left on the front door and door into the garden.
She accused us one day of being benefit thieves and troublemakers (despite being friendly with her for over 3 years prior to that day, she even invited us in to her flat to see her new kitchen, bathroom and cats) because we could afford not to have a council flat after she asked my o/h why I didn't cut the communal grass one day when I had cut our own grass. My o/h simply stated that since there was washing on the line in the communal garden, that I didn't cut it because I didn't want to get grass cuttings and any dust thrown up by the mower going on the washing, or my sweaty head touching the washing.
She called the police on us and accused my o/h of squaring up to her, all we can think that came from is the fact that her door is at the bottom of the flight of stairs up to our flat and she had to get past her to be able to get up the stairs, which she wanted to do to just get away from the situation.
It didn't work for her as the police, once they'd heard our side of the story went back to her to tell her that she was not to put notes up on the doors any more and was in no position to demand anything from the other residents. Police advised us not to have any contact with her.

Towards the end of our stay there, we started putting our bins on the path IN OUR GARDEN, which is next to the fence for her garden, due to my o/h's increasing disability and having them at the top of the garden made it incredibly difficult for her to take the rubbish to them when they were there. She phoned the council and apparently complained about the bins for 25 minutes, saying that the bins were blocking a communal path, not sure how she gets that as the path, as I said, is in our garden. Every time she went to do anything in her garden she moved our bins onto the grass, we often just went straight out and put them back.
Eventually after 3 weeks, there was a knock on the door, 2 policemen, come to see us about the bins, how she got the police to come out for something so trivial, I will never know, I can only assume she spun a story about feeling threatened by us as she is a lonely old widow etc.
I pointed out the situation to them from the kitchen window and they went away satisfied there was nothing to say or do, I STILL got my name, date and place of birth taken though, nearly 49 and never had any problem with the police in my whole life till I met her.
Needless to say, every time she moved the bins, we moved them back and I emailed photos to the housing officer, she even proceeded to put one of her own bins on the very same path, I couldn't be fussed to phone the police to tell them to get her bin off my garden, but I did make a complaint to the council.
When we moved out, the housing office wasn't present when we handed our keys in, but we did get an email from him thanking me for all the emails, photos and phone call about her and that he would be passing all the evidence on to the antisocial behaviour team, so hopefully something gets done about her. I do intend to write to the new residents once I know the flat is occupied again, and I hope whoever moves in really are actual;ly troublemakers, it'll send her crazy.

Judging by the details of this woman's behaviour, it does rather sound as though she may be suffering from dimentia....a very difficult situation to deal with from all sides....including hers.

 

[trebor79]

When I was a kid there was "Mrs Brown Door" who lived opposite. Used to complain continually about us playing in the street.
She managed to get the council to erect a "No Ball Games" sign on the open grass space next to her house. So we played football in the cul-de-sac instead, and played with our cap guns. She once hauled me into the house saying I'd "scared my wee dog to death with your caps" - dog was fast asleep - and showed me the tiniest of scratches on her piano lid aid terrified dog was alleged to have made. She was seething. I just shrugged my shoulders.
She'd go mental if our ball went onto her front lawn. She called the police once and they came out, spoke to her and then to my mum to say not to worry about the alleged "trespassing". My friends dad went to get it another time because we were scared of her. She called the police again. They came out, spoke to her. Then went to see friends dad to say they'd given her a talking to and told her in no uncertain terms that she was not to waste their time ever again on such trivia unless she wanted them to waste some of her time in a cell at the police station .
Her teenage son used to hang his speakers out of his bedroom window and play loud music, but never when she was around "My Edwin is such a good boy".

She must have been bipolar or something, because during the Cub Scouts "Bob a job" week she insisted I clean her kitchen floor and gave me ten quid - this was 1987!
She also couldn't understand why no kids came to her door on Halloween (a big deal in Scotland, not the lame "trick or treat" in England) and gave a load of sweets to my mum the following day. That was the one time I actually felt sorry for her.
I remember her husband wore a brown corduroy suit and drove a Lada Riva, and looked perpetually miserable. I never heard him speak, looking back he had the air of a long suffering husband wondering where it all went wrong.

 

[DelayRepay]

When I was a kid there was "Mrs Brown Door" who lived opposite. Used to complain continually about us playing in the street.

We had a similar woman who lived opposite my mum. I am told she used to be a lovely person, but changed when she was widowed (when I was very young, I do not remember her husband). I only remember her as a grumpy person who used to stare out of the window while we were playing and shout at us if the ball landed on her front lawn. And she complained about anything and everything from there being too many parked cars to people putting their wheelie bins in the wrong spot on bin day.

The icing on the cake came when she had a fall at home. As nobody had seen her for a couple of days, one of the neighbours called the police who broke in and found her on the bathroom floor, unable to get up. Rather than thanking the neighbour (and perhaps asking them to hold a key in case something similar happened again), she gave them a bill for the cost of repairing her door!

 

[Gloster]

I had a not dissimilar incident about ten years ago with my now-deceased next-door neighbour, then in his mid-eighties. He had been reasonable when I moved in, but had become more and more curmudgeonly and hostile to any offers of help. I was in my living room one day and heard something odd: I went out and found a reason to go into my back garden, so I could check on him without being too obvious. He was sitting on the ground and trying to use his ‘phone with a bloody hand. I dashed back to the front of my house, shouted at the chap opposite who was standing outside house, waved him over and we went round. The old boy had stumbled and caught his hand on a thorn bush, so we called the paramedics. As it was only his arm, we thought we better get him off the ground and the other chap saw a plastic seat in the metal-framed greenhouse. He slid open the door, but the stops had been removed and the door slid off its runners and crashed to the ground, smashing one of the panes. We got the old boy in to the chair and while we waited for the medics we crawled over the paving picking up all the bits of glass.

Once the medics had arrived we left: I think they just cleaned him up and put him back in his house. Not a word of thanks was heard (*), but a few days later he demanded that the chap opposite should pay for the replacement glass and for it to be fitted.

*- I can accept that, when their pride is hurt by needing help, some people have difficulty saying thank you.

 

[johnnychips]

In Southampton when I was a student in the 70s, we used to live next door to two prostitutes with a real red light in the window. We never had any problems, but once one girl knocked on our door, and asked to go through our house, climb over the back wall, and let herself in through the back door as she had locked herself out at the front.

Two days later my flatmate’s girlfriend - whom I had never seen before - made an unexpected visit. She was dressed in a short skirt and fishnet tights. When I answered the door, I said ‘oh I suppose you want to climb over the wall too?’ I think my explanation managed to confuse her enough, but my flatmate didn’t speak to me for a week.

 

[alxndr]

My neighbours aren’t a patch on some of the others in this thread, but they definitely seem to believe they have some sort of right as they’ve been here the longest out of the three houses in the terrace.

When I moved in there wasn’t a fence along the back or half of the side I share with them. I couldn’t afford a fence while furnishing the rest of the house so left it. When I could I got someone out to price the job up, they spent the whole time quite brazenly staring out the back window, and then rushed to the front to watch them drive off.

The following week there was a knock at the door and I was subjected to a two hour talk on how they didn’t want me to put a fence up as it would block their view of the swing at the bottom of their garden and their path would get mossy. They didn’t care that there’s a direct view from the swing into my kitchen. Ironically they also complained at the (quite nice IMHO) fence that the neighbour the other side of me put up, despite that being the anchor for their swing!

Every so often they nag that grass grows under the bit of fence that I do have and want me to lift each fence panel and strim underneath. The last time my partner went around the fence and strimmed it—apparently it’s worth 5 minutes of time to keep the peace—then the next day they had their strimmer out…

I’d love to throw a 6ft fence up purely just to upset them, but the neighbour the other side says that they made one of the previous owners’ life hell as they took a dislike. I don’t know what they did but I’m not too keen on finding out.