Things (bad, but non-criminal) done in youthful folly, over which one now feels great shame

[Calthrop]

Am maybe at a loose end -- but; remorse prompted by an item which recently happened to show up.

At a time of family crisis, I lived for a couple of years in my early teens with (very kind, and much-loved) relatives. Teenagers -- even non-riotous ones -- tend to be in various ways, annoying little wretches who -- knowing no better, or just out of boredom and / or perversity; behave sub-optimally. I love maps, including British Ordnance Survey ones. The abovementioned relatives had a fair selection of same, of assorted regions and dates: including an OS "inch-to-the-mile" one, dating from just-post-World-War-II -- area Cheltenham and Evesham. I was indulging a lifelong subject of fantasy-fodder, of mine: dreaming of British narrow-gauge lines which never existed, but which one would wish to have done -- took it into my head to "improve" said map, by drawing on it, such a rail line.

For many decades of hindsight, it has been blindingly obvious to me that in a situation of that desire: I should have asked permission of my relatives, the map's owners; and if they had said "no", cheerfully accepted that judgement. Odious 13- or 14-year-old I, however, did not do that: unbeknownst to relatives and in their absence, I went ahead and -- with ink and coloured pencils -- added to the map, my fantasised line: it was an independent 2ft. 6in. gauge concern, running between two different GWR routes: from Broadway to Bourton-on-the-Water -- I remember that I used the OS symbol for narrow gauge, existing in the early 1960s, but not yet thought of fifteen-odd years before, date of the actual map. I performed this deed with considerable care, and felt quite proud of it. Either my -- extremely and, I feel, undeservedly-to-me, kind -- relatives noticed over time, what I'd done, but chose to "turn a blind eye" and not raise the matter with me; or they were and remained genuinely unaware of my action; but I never heard anything from them, about it.

Decades later: those relatives died, at a great age and much mourned by all who had known them. Assorted material which had been theirs, went to assorted relatives -- with my being the family's recognised "map nut", their map collection came into my possession. This including the Cheltenham-and-Evesham sheet which, way back, I had defiled. Since this map's coming to me: I've never wanted to venture to open it and cast eyes on my offence of some sixty years ago (as I type this, I'm looking at it on my desk, unopened) -- I feel already, acute-enough remorse over what I did: actually looking at "the evidence", would intensify that remorse.

Am I being rather strange here; or does anyone else comparably feel bad about stuff which in relatively extreme youth, they did (not necessarily railway-oriented) which while not breaking the laws of the land -- was nonetheless, in hindsight, shamingly improper?

 

[contrex]

I think I am a similar age to you, and, I have to admit I sometimes writhe with shame at some of the things I said and did in my youth, particularly early adolescence. I mentioned this to my wife, who is a counsellor, and she said that most people do this to some extent, and advised me to reflect on the good I have probably done in the intervening period, which counterbalances those things. 'After all', she said, 'you didn't know any better, and you wouldn't do those things now, and since they can't be undone, that's the best you can hope for'. Personally I think you should unfold the map, and, hopefully exorcise that demon. How do you know that anyone noticed?

 

[Peter Sarf]

Have a look. For all you know someone else may have added a branch line to your own line !. As @contrex says better to think of the positive things you have endeavoured to do.

 

[contrex]

I am reminded of a story I once heard, I think about John Wesley, who was on a horse riding somewhere when he encountered a man coming the other way who was clearly in a severe state of melancholy. "What ails thee, brother?" asked Wesley. The man confessed that he had committed the Sin Against the Holy Ghost at the age of seven, and was convinced he was uniquely wicked and would never be forgiven. "Why", said Wesley, "I have met many like thee. Thy repentance has earned thee forgiveness". Wesley later said that from that moment, the man was cured.

 

[Acey]

Years ago, when I was sillier than I am now ,a friend dared me to " borrow " a police officers pushbike that he had left outside a block of flats,the plan was to ride around the corner to Bromley nick and leave it there ( what a hoot eh ? ) well all went to plan until I rode through a set of red traffic lights and collided with ,you guessed it,a police patrol car ! fortunately my Mum was the Manageress of the station canteen so I was known to the copper and I was sent on my with a reprimand ( honestly officer,it was only a joke )

 

[DarloRich]

Non, je ne regrette rien

 

[contrex]

Non, je ne regrette rien

There was a remarkably funny episode of the comedy series 'Psychobitches' where famous women are seen talking to a psychiatrist, in which all Piaf does is reel off what is clearly a list of choses qu'elle regrette -1958, 1959, all of 1960, cheap tobacco, never meeting Elvis, the wrong shoes, bad sex, buying those overpriced dusters... etc etc

 

[brad465]

Aged 10-11, I enjoyed injuring toddlers, usually by tripping them up as it was easy to do and hard for them to recognise/remember I was the cause, when either at parks or soft play centres. Getting older and ceasing to go to the places in question, combined with realising how bad all that was, I've long kicked the habit (no pun intended).

(I'm now going to run for the hills before being sent to a Councillor)

 

[contrex]

(I'm now going to run for the hills before being sent to a Councillor)

Labour, Conservative, or Liberal Democrat? Not UKIP, I hope.

 

[Cloud Strife]

When I was 9/10, it was quite normal to wrestle with a neighbourhood kid who had some learning difficulties. I don't know what issues he had, but to cut a long story short, he was routinely placed into very painful wrestling submission holds. His mother would encourage him to try and get out of these holds, but they would normally be locked on very tight and he would be going nowhere. He was the same age as us, but he was probably a good three/four stone heavier. That meant he couldn't really wrestle, and he was out of breath quite quickly.

This would often go on for an hour or even more. When one of us got bored, someone else would join in, repeat repeat repeat. His mother never quite seemed to understand that her son was in genuine pain from these holds, and we would often test new moves that we'd previously seen on TV on him. I remember one of my friends locking him in a really awful leg lock, and the victim was clearly not going to be able to fight out of it because of the way that the hold was applied. His mother was right there, but rather than stopping it so that his agony would end, she would give him "advice" that was never going to work. I remember my friend releasing the hold after quite some time, and the kid couldn't even get up.

Horrific in hindsight. It wasn't illegal, but it was completely unacceptable.

 

[ABB125]

I once squashed a spider...

 

[Peter Sarf]

I once squashed a spider...

Magnifying glass, sunny day and pop pop pop.

 

[philthetube]

I used to take a short cut across the railway, the only regret I have is that they built big fences and it is no longer possible.

 

[contrex]

When I was 9/10, it was quite normal to wrestle with a neighbourhood kid who had some learning difficulties.

Horrific in hindsight. It wasn't illegal, but it was completely unacceptable.

Kids aren't adults and don't have that level of understanding. I was a bit younger, maybe 7, when I used to play (was forced to really) with the son of my mother's best friend. I soon discovered that he would, unlike other boys I played with, always agree to anything I suggested. I mean anything. My mother told me years later that she and her friend only narrowly stopped us re-enacting, using the banisters and a dressing-gown cord, the execution by hanging of Guenther Podola, which would date it to 1959. It might have even been at his suggestion, but I can't help thinking that I knew enough to choose the role of hangman over that of condemned man. In later years this boy went to a 'special school in the country', I was told. My mother thought the hanging episode was funny.

 

[SteveM70]

Until the age of 8 we lived at the end of a cul de sac which had a steady incline from the main road at the bottom. One winter - I’m guessing 1977 or 1978 - we had a fairly prolonged cold snap and quite a bit of snow. Because car ownership was relatively scarce where we lived, the road got covered in snow.

Me and the kids I knocked around with spent an afternoon sliding on the road, to the point that the surface was very icy. Later that day the bloke who lived two doors down arrived home in his car, from memory a massive Ford thing, though maybe all cars seemed big to me at that age. We watched from behind the fence as he got halfway up the hill, lost traction, and gently slithered back down again. Not to be deterred, he had a few more goes but all failed. He then left his car at the bottom and walked up the hill, and slipped and fell, and let out an almighty scream. He’d broken his wrist.

 

[WestAnglian]

When very much younger than now, but in an age with little CCTV and when railway trespass was treated less seriously, I'd occasionally walk home along the tracks. The was always after having overslept on the train after an evening in the pub after work. I can remember walking from Crews Hill to Enfield Chase on one occasion, being mindful to face oncoming traffic (none at that time of day) but without the presence of mind to use the ramps and platform at Gordon Hill, which I marched straight through on the down in my three-piece suit complete with briefcase. When I reached Enfield Chase the station was locked but I escaped by just sliding the bolt.

I abandoned the permanent way one night after a particularly serious overshoot when I got off at Newport (Essex) but lived near Bishop's Stortford. I started walking towards Elsenham but the torrential rain caused me to climb an embankment to the road network and the comparitive dry of a bus shelter. At about 5.30 I reached home after my 12-mile very wet slog and was greeted with a concerned, loving "Where the hell have you been?"

 

[gg1]

Arson. Specifically setting fire to the embankment of the disused railway line not far from where I grew up.

There were no buildings of any type which backed on to said embankment and I was far from the only local kid who did it but incredibly stupid nonetheless.

 

[Busaholic]

Aged 10-11, I enjoyed injuring toddlers, usually by tripping them up as it was easy to do and hard for them to recognise/remember I was the cause, when either at parks or soft play centres. Getting older and ceasing to go to the places in question, combined with realising how bad all that was, I've long kicked the habit (no pun intended).

(I'm now going to run for the hills before being sent to a Councillor)

I worked for the Probation Service in Maidstone. Often wondered who the mystery tripper was!

 

[contrex]

Arson. Specifically setting fire to the embankment of the disused railway line not far from where I grew up.

There were no buildings of any type which backed on to said embankment and I was far from the only local kid who did it but incredibly stupid nonetheless.

In the 1980s a flatmate told me that when he was 13, during a hot dry spell, he had set some bracken or gorse or something alight, on a common not far from his home in the south of England. To his surprise and alarm it quickly spread out of control, and he ran home. A number of fire engines were needed, and there was a lot of smoke, and farmland was threatened. He felt terrible, and his mother noticed. She said 'You started that fire, didn't you?'. He nodded, and she went quiet for a minute. The she said to him 'You must never, ever, tell anyone else about this'. He told me that to that day he was obsessively careful with matches, etc, and did not like lighting coal fires, barbecues, etc.

 

[yorksrob]

Arson. Specifically setting fire to the embankment of the disused railway line not far from where I grew up.

There were no buildings of any type which backed on to said embankment and I was far from the only local kid who did it but incredibly stupid nonetheless.

In the 1980s a flatmate told me that when he was 13, during a hot dry spell, he had set some bracken or gorse or something alight, on a common not far from his home in the south of England. To his surprise and alarm it quickly spread out of control, and he ran home. A number of fire engines were needed, and there was a lot of smoke, and farmland was threatened. He felt terrible, and his mother noticed. She said 'You started that fire, didn't you?'. He nodded, and she went quiet for a minute. The she said to him 'You must never, ever, tell anyone else about this'. He told me that to that day he was obsessively careful with matches, etc, and did not like lighting coal fires, barbecues, etc.

This is one of the reasons why the scouting movement is so beneficial, as it helps to channel and control those youthful, pyromaniac tendencies.

 

[Peter Sarf]

This is one of the reasons why the scouting movement is so beneficial, as it helps to channel and control those youthful, pyromaniac tendencies.

So true. Youth clubs as well as the scouts. We seem to have saved money on those and now wonder why there is so much petty crime. Then thinking more police is the answer.

The moral is that young people, especially boys, find things to do and seldom with a thought to the consequences or morality of their actions. I can remember my mother hoping I would grow out of trainspotting. I asked if she would rather I hang around with the local vandals.

There are some demographics that are more inclined to destructive behaviour and their parents tend to have less inclination to steer them from it. So those of us who are perhaps more enlightened have a duty to spend time involving those younger and more impressionable than us in less destructive activities. Some are getting radicalised.

I do think it is luck what some of us did not do or did get away with !.

 

[yorksrob]

So true. Youth clubs as well as the scouts. We seem to have saved money on those and now wonder why there is so much petty crime. Then thinking more police is the answer.

The moral is that young people, especially boys, find things to do and seldom with a thought to the consequences or morality of their actions. I can remember my mother hoping I would grow out of trainspotting. I asked if she would rather I hang around with the local vandals.

There are some demographics that are more inclined to destructive behaviour and their parents tend to have less inclination to steer them from it. So those of us who are perhaps more enlightened have a duty to spend time involving those younger and more impressionable than us in less destructive activities. Some are getting radicalised.

I do think it is luck what some of us did not do or did get away with !.

Indeed. Also in my case, it got me out from in front of the telly !

 

[Peter Sarf]

Indeed. Also in my case, it got me out from in front of the telly !

Oh gosh, yes. My younger sister "controlled" the TV viewing so I was never interested.

 

[Busaholic]

Oh gosh, yes. My younger sister "controlled" the TV viewing so I was never interested.

Me too, ''Coronation Street'', ''Crossroads'' etc etc. Used to drive me mad, but she had our father twisted round her little finger!

 

[contrex]

This is one of the reasons why the scouting movement is so beneficial, as it helps to channel and control those youthful, pyromaniac tendencies.

I never thought, before, that is probably why his parents 'strongly encouraged' him to join the nearby branch of the Sea Cadets. He later joined the Merchant Navy, and did pretty well, last I heard.

 

[yorksrob]

I never thought, before, that is probably why his parents 'strongly encouraged' him to join the nearby branch of the Sea Cadets. He later joined the Merchant Navy, and did pretty well, last I heard.

That's good to know !

 

[Cloud Strife]

Arson. Specifically setting fire to the embankment of the disused railway line not far from where I grew up.

Oh, me too. And it wasn't an abandoned line, but one that saw regular trains. This one, in fact. The judo club (on the left) wasn't there at the time, it was just one big open embankment. It was the middle of summer, and I'd somehow procured a lighter. I lit ONE blade of grass, then walked off without thinking anything of it. We walked up to the nearby playground, and we saw some local kids pointing in the other direction. So, we were like "what are they pointing at?", turned round and voila, the entire embankment was ablaze. There was a moment when my friends and I were looking at each other in complete disbelief, before we realised that it was probably a wise idea to get out of there and as far away as possible.

So, for anyone that knows Warrington, we knew the best bet to escape was to cross the footbridge into Sankey Valley Park before hiding in the forest near Bewsey Old Hall. And we hid there for a few hours before making our way home for a change of clothes, then we went out again to investigate the scene. The fire had been put out, and we saw some old bloke observing the charred remains of the embankment. So, we asked him nicely what had happened, and he told us all about some vandals, and that it was almost certainly the work of the local criminal youth who had been causing so many problems.

You can get a better view of the embankment in Warrington here.

We seem to have saved money on those and now wonder why there is so much petty crime. Then thinking more police is the answer.

Couldn't agree more. As kids and young teenagers, we would have happily visited a youth club if it existed. But in my town, there was essentially only Scouting, and it really didn't appeal to us. The end result was endless small things like chucking bottles of Irn Bru on the roof of the community centre or being a general pain, because we really had nothing else to do. The school didn't offer anything after 5pm during term time, and during the long endless summer nights in NE Scotland, the only thing to do was to sit around one of the many parks.

 

[Calthrop]

Thanks to everyone, for responses. Interested to see how many folk are confessing to stuff done by them as daft kids, rather more -- can I say "spectacularly" anti-social; than my thing with a map which was not mine to doodle on ! I don't mean to get on any virtuous high horse here: was a solitary and sedentary kid -- but greatly suspect that if I'd been a more robustly venturesome sort -- then if I'd fancied, say, arson in the company of like-minded cronies, I'd likely have done it ! As things were, real-life: I remember a few acts on my part, of -- physical and mental -- bullying against individuals weaker than myself, which now cause me great shame; regretting which, makes more sense than the same re any nonsense with maps.

I think I am a similar age to you, and, I have to admit I sometimes writhe with shame at some of the things I said and did in my youth, particularly early adolescence. I mentioned this to my wife, who is a counsellor, and she said that most people do this to some extent, and advised me to reflect on the good I have probably done in the intervening period, which counterbalances those things. 'After all', she said, 'you didn't know any better, and you wouldn't do those things now, and since they can't be undone, that's the best you can hope for'. Personally I think you should unfold the map, and, hopefully exorcise that demon. How do you know that anyone noticed?

Have a look. For all you know someone else may have added a branch line to your own line !. As @contrex says better to think of the positive things you have endeavoured to do.

These posts have brought home to me, its being a bit idiotic to still shrink -- sixty years later -- from opening map and revisiting "crime scene". I have, thus, opened it and had a look. My drawn-in rail route is there, as when done over half a lifetime ago: no other additions, "for good or ill". (Had been imagining perhaps seeing in a margin, a message in the handwriting of my late uncle -- to the effect of, "[Calthrop], you little **** -- I'd have tanned your arse well and truly, if I'd become aware of this "improvement" of yours here, in the time when you were a minor and appropriately subject to such actions" !)

Will admit to feeling -- though "I say it as shouldn't" for more than one reason -- that I did a rather fine job of adding in this imaginary n/g line: inked it in complete with cuttings and embankments, and a tunnel near Snowshill. Scheme of things: physical connection for freight with GWR standard gauge, at Bourton-on-the-Water -- which has separate, though not far-removed from each other, passenger stations (a bit like with the Talyllyn at Tywyn). Northern terminus, at Broadway village -- no connection with GW line, whose station most of a mile further north. Intermediate stations: Lower Slaughter Halt, Upper Slaughter, Eyford Halt, Temple Guiting, Taddington Halt, and Snowshill.

I am reminded of a story I once heard, I think about John Wesley, who was on a horse riding somewhere when he encountered a man coming the other way who was clearly in a severe state of melancholy. "What ails thee, brother?" asked Wesley. The man confessed that he had committed the Sin Against the Holy Ghost at the age of seven, and was convinced he was uniquely wicked and would never be forgiven. "Why", said Wesley, "I have met many like thee. Thy repentance has earned thee forgiveness". Wesley later said that from that moment, the man was cured.

Ah, yes -- that verse, Matthew 12 : 31, must have caused an immense amount of misery and despair over the centuries.

This is one of the reasons why the scouting movement is so beneficial, as it helps to channel and control those youthful, pyromaniac tendencies.

In my childhood / adolescence, my elders gently suggested Cubs / Scouts to me a few times. However -- as above, I was a solitary and sedentary brat: could imagine nothing more ghastly than such doings, and wasn't having any of it. I now realise in hindsight that Scouting involves, and long has involved, a great variety of stuff beyond and in addition to the "cliches / stereotypes" -- some of which I would likely have enjoyed; maybe including mapping, in a "legitimate" and blameless context !

 

[Peter Sarf]

Thanks to everyone, for responses. Interested to see how many folk are confessing to stuff done by them as daft kids, rather more -- can I say "spectacularly" anti-social; than my thing with a map which was not mine to doodle on ! I don't mean to get on any virtuous high horse here: was a solitary and sedentary kid -- but greatly suspect that if I'd been a more robustly venturesome sort -- then if I'd fancied, say, arson in the company of like-minded cronies, I'd likely have done it ! As things were, real-life: I remember a few acts on my part, of -- physical and mental -- bullying against individuals weaker than myself, which now cause me great shame; regretting which, makes more sense than the same re any nonsense with maps.




These posts have brought home to me, its being a bit idiotic to still shrink -- sixty years later -- from opening map and revisiting "crime scene". I have, thus, opened it and had a look. My drawn-in rail route is there, as when done over half a lifetime ago: no other additions, "for good or ill". (Had been imagining perhaps seeing in a margin, a message in the handwriting of my late uncle -- to the effect of, "[Calthrop], you little **** -- I'd have tanned your arse well and truly, if I'd become aware of this "improvement" of yours here, in the time when you were a minor and appropriately subject to such actions" !)

Will admit to feeling -- though "I say it as shouldn't" for more than one reason -- that I did a rather fine job of adding in this imaginary n/g line: inked it in complete with cuttings and embankments, and a tunnel near Snowshill. Scheme of things: physical connection for freight with GWR standard gauge, at Bourton-on-the-Water -- which has separate, though not far-removed from each other, passenger stations (a bit like with the Talyllyn at Tywyn). Northern terminus, at Broadway village -- no connection with GW line, whose station most of a mile further north. Intermediate stations: Lower Slaughter Halt, Upper Slaughter, Eyford Halt, Temple Guiting, Taddington Halt, and Snowshill.



Ah, yes -- that verse, Matthew 12 : 31, must have caused an immense amount of misery and despair over the centuries.



In my childhood / adolescence, my elders gently suggested Cubs / Scouts to me a few times. However -- as above, I was a solitary and sedentary brat: could imagine nothing more ghastly than such doings, and wasn't having any of it. I now realise in hindsight that Scouting involves, and long has involved, a great variety of stuff beyond and in addition to the "cliches / stereotypes" -- some of which I would likely have enjoyed; maybe including mapping, in a "legitimate" and blameless context !

The worst thing is, I suspect, some adult brat has vandalised it by CLOSING DOWN said line !.

I enjoyed the Cubs. When I was older I moved on to Scouts but it was a new troop with nothing happening (leaderless mainly) so sadly I lost interest as it was a let down from the Cubs. I think the railways then came along to interest me. I did not have much money so a lot of effort went into planning efficient trips and that probably absorbed me.

 

[DelW]

These posts have brought home to me, its being a bit idiotic to still shrink -- sixty years later -- from opening map and revisiting "crime scene". I have, thus, opened it and had a look. My drawn-in rail route is there, as when done over half a lifetime ago: no other additions, "for good or ill". (Had been imagining perhaps seeing in a margin, a message in the handwriting of my late uncle -- to the effect of, "[Calthrop], you little **** -- I'd have tanned your arse well and truly, if I'd become aware of this "improvement" of yours here, in the time when you were a minor and appropriately subject to such actions" !)

Will admit to feeling -- though "I say it as shouldn't" for more than one reason -- that I did a rather fine job of adding in this imaginary n/g line: inked it in complete with cuttings and embankments, and a tunnel near Snowshill. Scheme of things: physical connection for freight with GWR standard gauge, at Bourton-on-the-Water -- which has separate, though not far-removed from each other, passenger stations (a bit like with the Talyllyn at Tywyn). Northern terminus, at Broadway village -- no connection with GW line, whose station most of a mile further north. Intermediate stations: Lower Slaughter Halt, Upper Slaughter, Eyford Halt, Temple Guiting, Taddington Halt, and Snowshill.

I have a rather parallel experience with maps. In my teenage years (so over half a century ago), I was given a number of pre-WW2 maps, mostly OS 1" sheets from the early days of "motoring" as an activity. On several of these, I proceeded to "update" them by adding then-new motorways, bypasses and link roads in either pencil or ink. There was no "shame" in my case - the maps weren't given to me as historical or valuable items, they were just old maps that relatives were disposing of, who knew of my liking for maps and that teenage pocket-money didn't run to many purchases at 6/6d for OS 1" or even 5/- for Bartholomew 1/2" sheets. I still have these maps in my collection, and as some are now nearing a century old, I rather wish they didn't have my teenage additions - the pencil ones have been carefully erased, but there is nothing I can do about those added in ink.

However I am aware that for many people, maps aren't things to be kept carefully and in mint condition, they are things to be used as necessary and then replaced. This can sadly sometimes be seen by borrowing maps from your local public library - they will often be folded in bizarre ways, be separated from their cardboard covers, and occasionally have annotations from previous borrowers. So it seems possible that, if your relatives were in this category, they might well have been amused rather than horrified had they spotted your handiwork.