Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[Westcountryman]

People who spell separate as seperate. I used t work in a factory that had SCADA screens and the contractors who set up the system put 'seperator' on all of the SCADA screens. Not very professional.

 

[py_megapixel]

People who spell separate as seperate. I used t work in a factory that had SCADA screens and the contractors who set up the system put 'seperator' on all of the SCADA screens. Not very professional.

What's a SCADA screen?

 

[Ediswan]

The problems usually come from having the spec done by a designer. Of course having a properly trained analyst work with a subject matter expert to build a spec that the designer can use costs money.

It's worse than that. There is not always a written specification. There can even be active resistance to one being created.

 

[pdeaves]

Infographics. Just give me the proper paragraphs with full sentences, please.

People who use public loos (including on the train) and don't flush.

People who leave train loos and don't close the door (obviously, only where there is facility to do so).

Non-working people who insist on doing shopping, chatting with shop assistants, etc. during 'working people's lunch break' times.

 

[gg1]

People who spell separate as seperate. I used t work in a factory that had SCADA screens and the contractors who set up the system put 'seperator' on all of the SCADA screens. Not very professional.

I would like to nominate people using obscure acronyms without explaining what said acronym means

Pacific/Specific

Could of
Would of
Should of

Harley Davidsons
Mopeds
Changing pub names - all pubs will be renamed to their traditional names
Alleging that more than 100% effort has been made
kids being given names that are not on my approved list of names and spellings.
Music being played through phone speakers.
Buskers using amplifiers
Having a phone conversation on handsfree whilst holding phone

Hard to argue with any of those. Regarding children's names, if you happen to have a surname which is also a common first name (e.g. James, Lewis, Simon, Alexander etc) do not under any circumstances give your child a similarly ambiguous first name.

 

[ABB125]

Hard to argue with any of those. Regarding children's names, if you happen to have a surname which is also a common first name (e.g. James, Lewis, Simon, Alexander etc) do not under any circumstances give your child a similarly ambiguous first name.

"Nice to meet you, Mr Lewis. Or should that be Mr Lewis? Or Mr Lewis Lewis?"

 

[Altrincham]

Certain words/names that seem to come from nowhere and all of a sudden end up being used daily, mostly either in newspaper print or by people responsible for delivering TV news. I think most of these words are made-up by the media anyway (no-one I know ever refers to Manchester as ‘Madchester’).

A few of these annoying media-friendly words that come to mind (and are really annoying) are:

• Jabbed
• Pingdemic
• Credit Crunch
• Staycation

...etc

 

[TT-ONR-NRN]

People who eat crisps on a train and then loudly suck their fingers after they've finished are the spawn of Satan. They make me feel nauseous and should be thrown off.

 

[Ediswan]

What's a SCADA screen?

(As nobody else has replied.) Supervisory Control And Data Acquistion. In context, a software based mimic panel showing the status of a complex physical system. Could be a sewage works, could be a nuclear power station. Modern railway signal boxes are full of them (though they may use different terminology).

 

[SteveM70]

Verbing

For example, “to medal”, “to podium”

 

[GrimsbyPacer]

Certain words/names that seem to come from nowhere and all of a sudden end up being used daily, mostly either in newspaper print or by people responsible for delivering TV news. I think most of these words are made-up by the media anyway (no-one I know ever refers to Manchester as ‘Madchester’).

A few of these annoying media-friendly words that come to mind (and are really annoying) are:

• Jabbed
• Pingdemic
• Credit Crunch
• Staycation

...etc

Also Grexit and the never ending list of "xit" words that followed.
And "gate" being added to any word to make it sound scandalous, for example "garden gate" even sounds like a news story.

 

[Bevan Price]

Men in sandals.

What is wrong with sandals? In summer, my feet get much too hot wearing conventional "closed" shoes.
(And before anyone asks, I need to wear thin socks with sandals, because otherwise my feet stick to the inside of he sandals and develop blisters. Walking barefoot is not an option because too many yobs break glass in the streets, etc. )

 

[tbtc]

A few more:

1. Products sold in packaging that's far too big - e.g. you purchase a packet of vitamins/ protein powder/ slimfast/ coffee/ medicine and you open it later to find that the product itself only comes half way up the side of the packaging, so you're not getting anything like as much as you thought you were
2. Companies who use "famous" far too much - e.g. pub menus that suggest you "try our famous fish & chips" - as if the meal is something they talk about all over the world
3. People (mainly politicians) who say "let me be clear" and "I've been very clear" in interviews. No - we'll decide if you've been clear or not. You don't get to tell us that - your audience decide whether you've managed to achieve clarity in your answers
5. People who recommend TV shows along the lines of "but you have to wait until series three, episode seven, before it really gets going. I'm prepared to wait a couple of episodes for a series to get going - you've got to set up the narrative, explain who all the characters are, it's not always easy to hit the ground running - but I don't have time to spend an entire weekend bingewatching something before it actually gets to the bit where it becomes watchable
6. Listicles (articles of lists) which have something like 'number seven will amaze you' on the clickbait headline... well, if number seven is so amazing then it should be number one
7. Obituaries that completely misrepresent the person who died - e.g. some of the recent headlines about Paul Ritter's sad demise were along the lines of "Harry Potter Star Paul Ritter Dies" - as if everyone knows him best from playing Eldred Worple rather than his roles in Friday Night Dinner/ No Offence/ Chernobyl etc

Buskers having amps is not normal, or reasonable.
They should only be heard in the immediate vicinity. If they have an amp they can be heard from way too far, and as you are likely to be walking that means for far too long.

I agree - I'm fine with buskers playing acoustically (and you can judge their skills because they are playing it all themselves), but someone turns up with an amp and you can hear them from streets away (sometimes with a backing track too, so you've no idea if they are any good or not)

I would like to nominate people using obscure acronyms without explaining what said acronym means

Yeah, PUOAWEWSAM really annoy me too

Also Grexit and the never ending list of "xit" words that followed

I thought that Grexit was coined first (when it looked like Greece may be leaving the Euro due to the financial crisis)?

Grexit made more sense as a word than Brexit (and Scexit is a terrible word!)

 

[Mcr Warrior]

6. Listicles (articles of lists) which have something like 'number seven will amaze you' on the clickbait headline... well, if number seven is so amazing then it should be number one

Talking of which, what happened to number four?

 

[mikeg]

Skateboarding should still be legal but I'd ban those 'skateboarding is not a crime' signs.
Excessive use if dynamic range compression in music, along with remastered editions of already digital recordings.

 

[Bevan Price]

A few first thoughts:

1. Short-formation trains.

2. Never-ending TV "continuing dramas" and "soaps". Inevitably, they all become stale & repetitive after a few years. Same stories, just change the character names. They should have a time limit of around 5 years, and then either "terminated" or given a long holiday (at least 5-10 years).

3. Councils closing free public toilets.

4. Radio stations that play nothing but 3 minute pop singles. (Totally devoid of imaginaion.)

5. Sky TV, and anything else with current/past association with the Murdoch family & other controllers of too many media organisations.

6. Excessive wages / salaries / fees for "directors", some sports & media people, etc.

7. Poor grammar, especially superfluous or incorrect use of words like "up", "on", "off", "to".

e.g. (a): You don't need the "UP" in "someone headed UP an organisation".
(b): Moneybags United did not suffer a defeat "TO" Crewe - (a current fad on radio/TV) - they suffered a defeat "BY" Crewe.
(c): Trains do not arrive "TO" a platform - they arrive "AT" a platform.

 

[prod_pep]

Class 150s and 319s
Chewing gum
Street preachers and sales people; street harassers in general
Smelly people on public transport
Poor spelling and grammar
American English in the UK and all its jargon (in particular the appalling phrase 'touch base')
The television licence
Woke people

 

[High Dyke]

This thread reminds of Breaking News by Half Man Hslf Biscuit.

Breaking News https://g.co/kgs/bKCyrd

 

[hst43102]

Great thread!

- Tabloids and local newspaper websites.
- Gambling shops and adverts
- Smoking in public
- Drivers who accelerate before a red light and then slam on the brakes
- Optare Solos
- Self service checkouts
- Shop one way systems
- Face masks
- Youtube double advertisements
- Anyone who disagrees with me!

 

[Class465pacer]

Which rap artists don't you like?

Sometimes I think I’m the only user who listens to rap on the forum lol.

What I dislike and I guess would ban?

Tabloids

Lazy online news articles that are just summaries of Reddit posts (The Mirror is one of the main offenders).

Liverpool FC

Shrinkflation

Most daytime TV shows - Bargain Hunt is especially boring

The TV license

 

[Butts]

From a purely selfish point of view? Sale of and consumption of meat and other animal products.

The environmentalist in me also wants to ban companies using non-recyclable packaging.

I'd also ban smoking, with really harsh penalties for those who break the ban. I'd also ban alcohol consumption!

From a railway point of view, I'd ban 'see it say it sorted' and the associated 20 years of announcements that go with it. To be replaced by a more suitable safety message, although what I don't know.

For something a little more light-hearted, that's tough as I get proper annoyed about a lot of things One I would ban is that infernal voice on the Sainsburys self-scan machines, she recorded it so stroppily! Annoys me whenever I'm in there.

Not another reformed ex-smoker and drinker, and latter day vegetarian to boot

One thing I'd like ban is cyclists on pavements.

 

[birchesgreen]

American English in the UK and all its jargon (in particular the appalling phrase 'touch base')

Woke people

Very funny

 

[C J Snarzell]

A couple of people have touched upon TV soap operas which covers many comedic and annoying points which should be banned -

- Soaps that 'recast' characters - Ben Mitchell from Eastenders has been played by four different actors!

- Too much soap - wasn't Coronation Street & Eastenders far better when it was on just twice a week?

- Repeated storylines - the alcoholism plots for characters like Peter Barlow and Phil Mitchell seem to be dug up every few years for laughs.

- Soap 'oppers' - actors who are in Hollyoaks then a month later they are in Emmerdale. All the soaps are full of actors who have been in at least one rival previously (and generally they can't act anyway!).

- Bringing back old favourites - never a good idea. Look what happened when they brought back Dirty Den in Enders. Corrie did it again more recent with Sharon Bentley and turned her into a drug baron!!!!

I would just like to say that I don't watch any soaps now, but it is easy just to find out these facts just by skim reading the TV guide which seems to make a big 'song and dance' about soaps each week.

While I'm on the subject of tasteless TV - I would personally ban reality trash like Love Island. Given what happened to Caroline Flack and a couple of other people that took their own lives, this type of TV tripe should be completed shelved.

CJ

 

[Essan]

Daytime temperatures above 25c

And night temps above 10c

They serve absolutely no purpose whatsoever (anything you can do outside at 30c you can do just as well, in more comfort, at 25c)

 

[yorksrob]

I must be a lot less on edge these days, because normally I have thousands, but for the time being:

Lettuce (really what's the point).

Micro-USB (I know I've touched on this before).

Right-on stand up "comedy" on Radio 4 (Give me a good old fashioned, non-politically correct sketch show anyday).

The radio 2 playlist (or at least I'd restrict it to less than half of the songs played).

Traffic lights on busy roads that don't give a signal for pedestrians to cross (it amazes me that this is allowed).

Pelican crossings that take too long to allow pedestrians to cross.

Traffic.

Bars not having ale available (bottled is acceptable if you suffer from low turnover).

People starting sentences with the word "so" for no reason.

People using the word "staycation" for a UK holiday.

Interest on mortgages (21st century feudalism).

The five day (or longer) working week.

 

[Essan]

People using the word "staycation" for a UK holiday.

That absolutely infuriates me.

It's also (arguably) demeaning and offensive to those of us who normally have holidays with the UK - as if they are not "real" holidays.

 

[yorksrob]

That absolutely infuriates me.

It's also (arguably) demeaning and offensive to those of us who normally have holidays with the UK - as if they are not "real" holidays.

Yes, that's what's always grated with me !

 

[LSWR Cavalier]

Staycation? Glamping!

Perhaps americanisms could be restricted, and europeanisms encouraged.
..
I think people who urge 'more cycling!' should mention that they also want 'less motoring! ' (if they do want that, have thought about it).

 

[superjohn]

- Drivers who accelerate before a red light and then slam on the brakes

Along those lines:
- Drivers who are several cars down the queue at red lights but still start moving the moment the lights change, only to have to stop again immediately until the queue picks up.
- Drivers at red lights who keep moving forward a couple of feet in anticipation of the lights changing, except they don’t. They are then caught out when the lights actually do change.
- Drivers that decelerate verrrrryyyy gently towards any stoppage and then crawl for the last 100 metres before finally stopping. Seriously, just get there and stop!
- Drivers (particularly of cars, I know limiters on lorries give them no choice) who overtake at 1mph more than the car they are passing. Usually trapping that car behind a slower moving vehicle.

 

[py_megapixel]

I thought "staycation" meant staying within your local area - i.e. not physically going on holiday at all?

For me, anything which involves a journey of more than trivial length followed by an overnight stay, is a holiday.