Computer problem(s)

[David]

Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better.

I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2005.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drives, it often crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called Mother-In-Law, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

 

[Guinness]

Very Good 8)

 

[devon_metro]

Agreed.

 

[Max]

Some amusing parallels there!

 

[mattmarsden]

very good!

 

[Jordy]

Excellent

 

[TheSlash]

*raises eyebrows quizzically*

It's ok, Tom, David is talking about girls, we wouldn't expect you to understand
I have experienced similar to the above problems David, especially conflicts with Playingtrains 1.0, getting ****ed 9.90, pubbrawling 4.01 and Mistress 2004

 

[Dennis]

Fortunately, my copy of wife 1.0 uninstalled itself, freeing up significant system resources.

 

[TheSlash]

Fortunately, my copy of wife 1.0 uninstalled itself, freeing up significant system resources.

Thats the boring option. It's when she turns up with boyfriend 2.0 and introduces him to ex boyfriend 1.0 and drinking pals 31.6 it gets good

 

[eezypeazy]

Fortunately, my copy of wife 1.0 uninstalled itself, freeing up significant system resources.

I've never regretted upgrading from Wife 1.0 to Wife 2.0.... and I've no intention of replacing it with Wife Vista!

eezypeazy

 

[Spaceflower]

Cracking post.

 

[Techniquest]

Genius!

Top stuff there Dave, that'll be hard to beat!

 

[devon_metro]

Apparantly Wife OSx allows you to multi-task!

I have an idea any anticheatware software might detect this activty?

 

[me123]

Fantastic as ever, David!

Some interesting word choice in there that could convey something different... but I'll keep my big bazoo shut.

 

[Nym]

It's ok, Tom, David is talking about girls, we wouldn't expect you to understand
I have experienced similar to the above problems David, especially conflicts with Playingtrains 1.0, getting ****ed 9.90, pubbrawling 4.01 and Mistress 2004

Girls, what are these things? Conflicts come between boyfriend 2.1 and career 4.3 but I have found that boyfriend 2.1 has become compatible with nym 2.4's trainwatching section...

 

[mbonwick]

ign5:

Quality, as always David

 

[David]

After digging around a software support site, I found a post (and reply) about a similar program....


HUSBAND 1.0 SOFTWARE
-----------------------------

Dear Sirs:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and Opera Night 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as Poker Night 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help please!!!!

Jane

--------------------------------------

Dear Jane,

This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed.

Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0 In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings Divorce/Child Support". You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of the root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME" Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a "C:\APOLOGIZE" command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, Beer 6.0 Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save your- self some trouble by following this tech tip.

Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional soft-ware to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly.

After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixesBroken Things 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shut down of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!"

 

[Techniquest]

Worth digging around for that, fair dos! Another good find!

 

[Zamracene749]

Superb!

Don't forget that loss/removal of Wife 1.0 usually requires Rich Lawyer 10.3, available at any solicitors for between 2000-10 000 pounds.

Running Rich Lawyer will uninstall Wife 1.0 but often requires the removal of drive 1(and the house and garage attached to drive 1) and a downgrade to Car '95 or '98.

If your setup included Children 2.4 or similar then these are often lost in the process, this will involve the difficult to operate and very poorly interfaced Child Support Agency 1.0(installs automatically for a £600 per month subscription that continues indefinately), Heartache 2.0(lifetime edition) and may also require KidsAccess 1/7(also available from the local solicitor for between 10 and 20 000 pounds, remember that KIdsAccess 1/7 can usually only be operated for a couple of hours a week whilst Wife 1.0(EX) runs NewRomance 100.3).

However. running the above will then allow the use of LifeReformat, an excellent software package that comes bundled with Freedom 2.0(re-issue) Pubs and Clubs 2.0(derestricted edition), RailRovingAgain 2.0, No More Nagging 1.0 and PC Access 24/7.

And of course EZ TV Remote 2.0 incorporating No More Chick Flicks and Soap Opera Firewall......

 

[Dennis]

The most serious problem I've had with my recent un-installation of wife 1.0 and removal of the associated hardware is that I now have no slots to plug my portable hard disk into.

 

[Zamracene749]

The most serious problem I've had with my recent un-installation of wife 1.0 and removal of the associated hardware is that I now have no slots to plug my portable hard disk into.

I myself wouldn't know, but apparently there are many quite interesting and occasionally somewhat surprising internet resource pages to help with this problem..........

 

[devon_metro]

Clearly Family forum 4.0 hasn't been installed

 

[nath9425]

Superb!
However. running the above will then allow the use of LifeReformat, an excellent software package that comes bundled with Freedom 2.0(re-issue) Pubs and Clubs 2.0(derestricted edition), RailRovingAgain 2.0, No More Nagging 1.0 and PC Access 24/7.

And of course EZ TV Remote 2.0 incorporating No More Chick Flicks and Soap Opera Firewall......

Ahhhh darn it! I take it that gets rid of Cleaner 4.0 Oh well have to dig out 'Mr Muscle Duster 2.5' where ever that is! :???:

 

[mbonwick]

I (and several people I know) are struggling to find the now obsolete girlfriend 1.2. Old as it maybe, it is proven to be fully compatible with train enthusiast 5.6. The lack of girlfriend 1.2 results in all round improvement in system performance. It also allows the use of jeer 11.0 and spead-nasty-rumours 0.1B, when girlfriend 6.9 causes bestmate 4.5 to crash!

 

[Tom]

I (and several people I know) are struggling to find the now obsolete girlfriend 1.2. Old as it maybe, it is proven to be fully compatible with train enthusiast 5.6.

It is? hock:

The current model, 5.2 seems to be completely uncompatible.... hock:

Although FareDodger 3.2 rev 6612 is entirely compatible. Truly amazing, isn't it!

 

[Aureol]

It seems that girlfriend 3.2 is fully compatible for me...

 

[Tom]

Have you downloaded Trainspotter v5.6 fully?

 

[Aureol]

No mate, I have no versions of the Trainspotter program, thankfully.

I do, however, have RailEnthusiast 2.7 installed alongside LocoSupport 2.12 and TeamSales 6.23 and Girlfriend 3.2 is still fully compatible.

 

[Tom]

RailEnthusiast? Must be a new program, never heard of it here!

 

[Daniel]

Nah, it's quite old, just never kicked off. Not many people were interested in the add-on packs, just had different types of ballast. Most people went for the much better TrainEnthusiast 6.9