Comedic "things you would ban": minor things that irritate you

[Gloster]

I am one of those who prefers simple, unembellished messages: with buses I prefer a simple one, such as ‘Not in Service’. For those of us with poor distant sight, it means we can see if it is our bus or
not in plenty of time to either hail it or stand back. The same goes for some rolling destination blinds, particularly when a particular route number has two different routes.

Well you're talking to it

If computers could hear what I say to them, they would go into a massive sulk and be totally uncooperative, i.e. function as they normally do.

 

[birchesgreen]

Something else that is irritating and annoying is tautology

I share your frustration though, @duncanp. It's in the same vein as gratuitous personification of inanimate objects. "If I've run out of toner, please report me to IT services" - NO, you're a printer, why do you need to talk to me?

God is in all things. Except HP Laserjets.

 

[MotCO]

When you think you’re being clever by leaving the motorway in a traffic jam and taking a different route through Taunton (for example obviously) and then realising that everyone else has had exactly the same idea thus adding an estimated 45 minutes at least to your journey when it would have been far far quicker to have stayed put…
I’m over it now.

Don't tell my wife about this! She never fails to remind me that it took forever to get back on the M5.

Another driving one: People that can't maintain a steady, constant speed on a clear motorway, *especially* when they hang in Lane 2 or 3.

Yes, I've had that. They suddenly slow down, so you pull out to overtake, then they speed up again and you have to pull back in. Probably on their mobiles or texting.

I’d ban all adverts. The vast majority seem to be full of cliches, cheesy humour, or just plain annoying.
At least the tired stereotypes of men being useless, women all being housewives and so on no longer seem to be allowed.

I now find adverts so annoying I refuse to watch anything ‘live’ (unless it’s BBC) and record programmes to watch later so I can skip the adverts. I’ve also stopped listening to commercial radio for the same reason.

And the benefit is we get rid of all egotistical advertising directors (Apologies to any forum readers who work in advertising!)

Uber drivers who don't seem to understand that it is actually possible to stick the Uber sticker on their door level, instead of at the 10 degrees or so off-level that seems to be prevalent around Birmingham. It's not that difficult! (Though admittedly it's not the easiest job in the world.)

My Dad thought he was clever sticking a sticker on the inside of the rear window by opening the hatchback and doing it from the outside. However, it did mean he put it in upside down

 

[al78]

Something else that is irritating and annoying is tautology

I share your frustration though, @duncanp. It's in the same vein as gratuitous personification of inanimate objects. "If I've run out of toner, please report me to IT services" - NO, you're a printer, why do you need to talk to me?

That reminds me of the talking toilet in what was Virgin's London to Manchester service, it always made me feel a little uncomfortable trying to urinate with a female voice simulating a conversation.

That's part of the problem. They're always upgrading them !!!

Presumably that is software upgrades which install added bloat which initiates on startup? One of the causes of slow startup is a ton of things which are set to run when Windows boots, what ideally should be done is go through what is scheduled at boot time and switch off anything unnecessary.

And also for people who decide they have forgotten something once their shopping on the conveyor belt, and expect everyone to wait whilst they go ad fetch it.

That can work if you are shopping as a couple, one of you goes through the checkout process whilst the other goes back to look for the forgotten item (as long as they know where to find it). I have forgotten items before but as I shop alone, I just go back to the store or another shop at a later time.

I think we’ve already had “people stopping for a chat while shopping and blocking the aisle”. Yesterday I was having a swim and two women stopped for a chat halfway down the pool, blocking the other couple of us in the lane. Totally unaware of what they were doing. They’re definitely banned in my world

Dog walkers have a habit of doing that on paths around where I live. Two people and two dogs are very efficient at causing an obstruction when positioned dead centre of a path, even a wide path.

 

[ScotRail158725]

Has anyone mentioned Facebook because if so their wishes have come true

 

[Jamesrob637]

Has anyone mentioned Facebook because if so their wishes have come true

Actually there probably needs to be a separate thread for this.

 

[Techniquest]

Actually there probably needs to be a separate thread for this.

Whatever is happening with FB, it definitely needs its own thread. I'm not up to date with what's happening to the social media platform, and I don't really care to find out either to be honest!

Something to add to the list of things I'd ban:

The teabags Greggs use. Far too often the bag splits while my tea is brewing, and that taste is just vile.

 

[Cowley]

Actually there probably needs to be a separate thread for this.

Much like @Techniquest I personally couldn’t give a monkeys about it which is why haven’t started a new thread in this section. More than happy if someone else wants to though.

 

[yorksrob]

Interactive computer screens that change or move just as your about to press them. Maccy D's tried to order me an expresso (yuk) the times in a row this morning.

 

[krus_aragon]

Yes. Department stores which you can't get into without walking past the perfume section deserve to go bankrupt!

I refer to that area as the "perfumigation department".

 

[Meerkat]

I'd ban the phrase "going forward".

That is actually useful - it is a euphemism for “stop whining about what’s gone wrong or how you did it in the old days”

Even worse that that; the inevitable cable detritus gathered over the years, stuffed into a drawer without thought until you realise the drawer's full and you pull out a solid spaghetti monster of USB cables, unused dongles, US/Canadian power leads that were never needed to begin with, audio cables, MIDI cables, speaker wire, ethernet cables with broken boots and server fibre leads.

I don't know how you'd ban it but it needs banning.

I have got organised now. Any new cables or weird plugs go in the clear small change bags you get from banks, together with a note saying what they are. Means I can throw things out from my man drawer with confidence that I really don’t need it any more!

 

[ABB125]

I have got organised now. Any new cables or weird plugs go in the clear small change bags you get from banks, together with a note saying what they are. Means I can throw things out from my man drawer with confidence that I really don’t need it any more!

You have a man drawer? I need one of those...

 

[gg1]

Interactive computer screens that change or move just as your about to press them. Maccy D's tried to order me an expresso (yuk) the times in a row this morning.

Ahem

People who say expresso rather than espresso

 

[Meerkat]

You have a man drawer? I need one of those...

Every man has a man drawer don’t they, full of wires and adaptors and random plugs and sockets.
Last check through I did finally bin those old huge connectors that used to go between TV and DVD players.

 

[ABB125]

Last check through I did finally bin those old huge connectors that used to go between TV and DVD players.

SCART cable?

 

[Meerkat]

SCART cable?

That’s the fella. Having got used to HDMI I was quite surprised how chunky SCART was. At least they were easily identified as something I definitely didn’t need any more!

 

[yorksrob]

Ahem

I wouldn't know (being more of a Gold Blend man myself !)

 

[SteveM70]

Every man has a man drawer don’t they, full of wires and adaptors and random plugs and sockets.
Last check through I did finally bin those old huge connectors that used to go between TV and DVD players.

I have a man apothecary chest. 20 drawers full of junk

There is some useful stuff too, but I can never remember which drawer its in, and naturally it normally takes until about drawer 17 before I find what I need

 

[Calthrop]

Last check through I did finally bin those old huge connectors that used to go between TV and DVD players.

I'm a very un-technical type; on first sight, I read that word as "cockroaches" ...

 

[Paul Jones 88]

Excessive heating in shops when it's still reasonably warm out.

 

[xotGD]

Excessive heating in shops when it's still reasonably warm out.

Even worse is excessive heating when it is cold outside. You walk in wrapped up in jumper, coat and scarf and end up either roasting or having to shed multiple layers, only to have to put them all back on before heading back outside.

 

[Busaholic]

Yes. Department stores which you can't get into without walking past the perfume section deserve to go bankrupt!

I think you got your wish. ''Daddy, what was a department store?''. Have to say, could do without the smell, but some of the white-clad employees certainly knew how to look attractive!

 

[py_megapixel]

I think you got your wish. ''Daddy, what was a department store?''. Have to say, could do without the smell, but some of the white-clad employees certainly knew how to look attractive!

I'm perfectly happy for John Lewis and M&S to both continue existing; they don't insist on you walking through the perfume section to get tot he rest of the store! I don't think BHS did when they were still around either.

 

[Bevan Price]

On the subject of big shops - I hate those who put the men's clothing section at the greatest possible distance from the entrance doors.

 

[AlterEgo]

On the subject of big shops - I hate those who put the men's clothing section at the greatest possible distance from the entrance doors.

This is always the case! Men’s clothes are so often on different floors to the entrance too.

 

[Gloster]

This is always the case! Men’s clothes are so often on different floors to the entrance too.

Isn’t there supposed to be a, somewhat old-fashioned and sexist, belief that men are so reluctant to shop for clothes that, once they have steeled themselves to go into the shop, they will put up with the inconvenience of traipsing through the shop to find the clothes in order to get it over with. The shops can then use the areas near the entrances for more impulsive buys. It does have a whiff of stock jokes by fading comics on 1960s variety shows.

 

[SteveM70]

Kids with cardboard signs, generally made by their parents,at football matches asking for their hero’s shirt after the match.

 

[dakta]

Think I have that misophonia thing, but amongst the usual suspects (eating, heavy breathing, not able to sip a drink without requiring ear defenders) that crackle at the end when someone uses their e-cig wants banning.

Can turn a sane man to murder.

 

[HST274]

Kids with cardboard signs, generally made by their parents,at football matches asking for their hero’s shirt after the match.

and you just know it's going to be the parent who keeps it!

 

[SteveM70]

and you just know it's going to be the parent who puts it on Ebay!

Corrected it for you